In the spirit of determination

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD.

The weeks have been getting a lot more insane lately, what with the moving and the lab work. There was a one-day retreat the other week for the genetics training grant, which my PI is strongly hinting (read: extremely unsubtle hinting) that I should apply for. I was there along with a few of my first year class mates. Here is a link to the photos from the retreat, where you can see me occasionally in the background and in one occasion standing next to my labmate, who has the dubious pleasure of showing me the ropes in our lab.

There was a meeting about our qual exam also, which I almost missed because for some reason I didn't get the email, despite of the fact that my correct email address was listed in the address bar (I checked with a classmate) (no it's not in my spam or deleted folders either, have checked). I was prevented from having an aneurysm later by the virtues of walking into a classmate while I was leaving to turn in my paperwork for something else (oh Gods the paperwork, it never ends), who wanted to know where I was going, and then, why I wasn't going to the meeting.

My response at the time, if I recall correctly, was to stare at her goggle-eyed and ask, "What meeting?"

So yeah, ladies and gents, my qual consists of a written portion and an oral portion, both of which are due at the upcoming Thanksgiving. The written portion is in the format of a grant proposal and the oral portion is in the format of a research seminar, followed by a question session in which we get quizzed on our knowledge regarding our presentation, the background research relevant to our proposal, and anything in our classes that could be related to our proposal. The rough of the abstract and the summary of the written portion is due by the first week of August. The final is due by Labor Day.

Meanwhile, my PI also hopes that I can churn out enough data for my current project that he can submit a grant application by the August deadline. He's not entirely sure whether or not my current project (a mutation that causes neurodegeneration, and we don't know why) would make a good dissertation project, because it's risky (as in we have no idea why the atrophy occurs, or even what the complete list of symptoms are), but the alternative is to pick up the project that the other people are doing for when the other people are going to leave next year, and those projects already have published work, their own grants, and established foundation to base further hypothesis on.

I asked the PI if I can work on my current project as my dissertation, despite of all the times (well, three discussions total) that we've had where he "hinted" that the other one may make a better thesis than this. I gave my reason as "I think it's really cool" and, much to my surprise, he agreed to let me work on it. Or at lease he'd agreed to help me with the written part of the qual (the part our PI is allowed to help us with) on it. I am having moments when I'm wondering whether or not it's better to have gone with the safer option. It's me after all. I tend to go with the safer option, all the time. Except for when I don't and then I end up in America, with something like 28 units per quarter and enrollment in grad school a year later, much to, I think, everyone's surprise. Therefore, for all that I wonder, I'm not going to change my choice because

1) What am I trying to prove now, really? Nothing, that's what. Do I NEED a doctorate? Not really, I'm not doing it for my career or hopes of improving my income. I'm doing it because I think it'll be fun and I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't at least give it a shot.

2) If I pick something I'm not as invested in, three years down the line I'll be dragging my feet to go to the lab each day. It happens to some of my upperclassman. With this current thing, I will never be bored. Exhausted, occasionally. Frustrated, no doubt about it. Occasionally beating my head against the wall. But never bored.

3) A large part of the spirit behind science is actually risk-taking. Or so I believe. If we only stick to the "safe" experiments we'll be forever fine-tuning the details of the existing models and never discover anything cool.

In conclusion these days I'm in lab from about 8 to 6:30 and I spent my weekend cleaning / packing / worrying about my random deadlines that I have drifting around. I did order Sims3, though at this rate I'm dubious as to when I'll have the time to play with it, to the point where I'm considering the logistic of declaring myself a two hour work-free time every weekend. We'll see.

Am moving over to new apartment this weekend. Was told that from the second floor balcony outside of my door I get a clear view of fireworks over Mission Bay (which is roughly three blocks away) come Independence Day. Will be awesome.

Have just squished a spider with post-it. Recent check with someone who knows an entomologist informs me that spiders do bleed green. My is currently more brown, though. Not sure why.

Shower, and packing!

(Yeah, full day at the lab tomorrow, before anyone asks.)