Why do I want to date?
I've considered this question for a while now. When I first approached the issue of romantic relationships I considered treating it like an experiment. I'll do some background research and test out each of my hypothesis and see what works and what doesn't. However, between the contradicting advises from many so-called "professionals" and my understanding that these advises are meant to address your average single woman, which I am not, the experimental approach doesn't look like it will pan out. Relationships vary so much on a person to person basis that the only way for me to find out anything is, as far as I can tell, to step off of the cliff into free fall and brave the terra incognita of your local dating scene with neither a compass nor a map (much less a GPS).
I like maps. I like experiments. When I drew the above conclusion, I was not happy.
So this brings me back to the question of why do I want to bother? I don't particularly want to be married or have children (not to mention I'm not even sure, at this point, of whether or not I'll be capable of either). If workaholic has a genetics component, I would have inherited it from both sides of the family which is, frankly, terrible for trying to do things such as dating. In what time that's left to me I volunteer, wander the streets and the beaches, write, draw, read. My life can be pretty full as it is, and I love my independence. If I were Zach diagnosing myself this is the point where I'd be telling me that I clearly need to figure out what I want.
(That last sentence sounded confusing, but less schizophrenic than it did in my head.) (The pun is accidental.)
After some thoughts I've drawn up three main reasons, one of which is based a bit on my personal insecurity. My mom keep reminding me (when she is in that certain phase that all mothers go through, visions of grandchildren dancing in their heads) that she and dad won't be around forever, and I shouldn't be left alone. Understandable. I like being independent, but I don't want the "I am all alone in this big wide world poor me" scenario either. I have excellent friends, yes, but family is still (or should be) the top priority. It will no doubt be a bit lonely when everyone gets married and such.
The second reason is mostly because I am at a phase in my life where I believe I deserve to have some fun. I like going out. I don't know if I'll like going out. Long-term relationship not withstanding, people my age seem to like the latter, so I figured I should at least try it once. It's like Greek food except less likely to involve words that I cannot pronounce. Going out, from what I understand, doesn't require anyone to make a commitment after the first date, so it shouldn't be too bad.
The last and the most important reason (in terms of influencing my final decision to get up, put in some effort, and do something) is simply curiosity. It's a good trait to have as a scientist, I've been told, and as a personality trait I am aware that it can potentially get me into all kinds of problems. Nevertheless, I have considered myself and decided that, theoretically, I am no less capable of loving than anyone else, nor am I any less deserving of love than anyone else. Therefore, if I want to find out what this kind of love is, I should be able to blunder along like everyone else and find...something.
Because really, aren't we all curious? Love is such a simple word. In languages that conjugate and decline their words, it's one of the first words we learn. By the age of new comedy we can already get a glimpse of the themes in the works to come, where love plays many key roles. Poets have waxed lyrical over it, literally, and lyrics...well: considering the proportion of songs dedicated to the subject, saying that it's popular would be a gross understatement. It is such a powerful thing. People sing of it, cry over it, die for it. For love the hanging gardens of Babylon were built. For love Isis hunted for the fourteen pieces of Osiris and Orpheus walked into hell to bargain with his music. In short, love is life and therefore death, because neither would have meaning with out the other. Love is a person and his or her world, and how a person can be someone else's world but how a person's world can change, as well. The more we find out about love the more confusing it gets until, frustrated, we are forced to yell out, "It just is!"
...which may be the truest thing of all, considering.
With the nuance of English we can make the distinction between "love" and "in love with". Trace the literature world and we can find many ways to express either (though Mr. Darcy's "how ardently I admire you" always makes me want to laugh for some reason...I can try to blame the BBC mini-series' cast but I think it may be just me in this case). It is one of the oldest and most sacred human emotion we know, and therefore we are not lacking in either words or experience when it comes to the subject of love (as compared to many other subjects of similar nature that exists out there).
We can travel faster than sound, synthesize proteins from scratch, and predict the trajectory of the stars... so why is it, even now, that we are still singing of the riddle-in-a-mystery-in-a-enigma that is love? (Or Russia, if you ask Churchill. Apparently the two are similar in their ability to bewilder.)
I'm old enough to wonder. I'm old enough to care. I want to know.
Don't you?
(Forget Rubik's cube. This is like the ultimate puzzle.)
