No new developments from the two sites with the word "intellect" in them. Since I have tried to email someone in one of them (all with very abandoned-looking profiles) I am going to take that to mean that the profiles are indeed abandoned. Well, here's to one more week of the two week long probation period. I think this's about all the meet-a-geek sites that I know / have been told about, which means come next I might need to pick another site to keep my three-site-minimum plan and I shall need to brave the general population.
That should be fun.
When the last time I had an actual conversation with a guy who is not a geek? Six grade? No wait, there were those random people on the train. Except I don't think I can legitimately count someone who's twice my age and married for this so I guess it'll have to be...10th grade volunteering, listening Yonathan telling about the time when he walked into the school's pool and playing cards with Danny and Serena at six in the morning. (Good times.) I think conversation's gotten harder now that shared experiences of education, which composed of something like 80% of our time during that age, is no longer a given. Which brings me to:
Recent development in pen-pal-ship. In which I have been ditched by everyone except the Xylitol guy. This is oddly like real life, where though I don't attract much attention, I do have a few people who strikes up conversation with me here and there -- who will promptly bail once the conversation becomes a real conversation (i.e. past the "Hello, how's the weather / what do you do for a living" part). I suppose this means that online socialization is a working simulation of real life socialization, except with the reading of facial expression / tone / body language subtracted out. Well that, and two main differences in my case: 1) It's easier to meet people since I no longer have to wrestle with my schedule to try to find time to spend in a reasonably sociable environment at a time when the normal individuals of my age group and so I end up meeting people faster and 2) It takes people longer to flee, because while conversations go fast, the usually short email exchanges that we start with take longer. It takes people more than one email to get the idea that hey, she's ...kind of strange.
All this bailing probably would've given me a complex if it weren't for the handful of strangers who told me that I'm "fun" to talk to. Clearly my personality and conversational skills are not that repulsive to everyone.
I care about my personality more than my appearance, and somehow, over the past few years and persistent pressure from both my peers and my parents, I've found the fortitude recently to decide that I refuse to change for anyone except myself. Make no mistake that I am changing, for all that certain parts of me will probably never change. Make no mistake that not everyone will like the changes. Yet somehow, with a surprising number of people who continue to back me every step of the way, I've been finding it easier to face those people who are very not okay with me, grin, and say "Deal with it."
And you know what? Whatever people's responses have been, I have been happy with this.
Kind of weird, but it makes me smile.
