Have just realized that:
1) You know you've done too many in situ hybridizations when you noticed that you can run through entire series of wash steps for day 1, including mixing of reagents, without consulting the protocol once.
2) Grad school is the place where you stop wondering if you will ever grow out of your phase of weirdness and know with 100% certainty that you will only get worse from here on out.
3) My notebook (as in bound papers for notes, not as in computer) smells of mice.
20110530
20110529
Sequentially is good
I have been a student (continuously) for so long that I'm pretty sure hearing someone say "exam" is enough to make my blood pressure rise.
That being said, it looks like my committee meeting make take place during the first week that is on my two-month time frame, meaning it will be the week after next week (I did leave myself a week minimum to prepare), and that I'm allowed to postpone the exam, much to my relief. Thus, in terms of scheduling, my main events this summer (defined to commence the week after next week, since that's the last week of instructions)are: committee meeting, genetics retreat, Greece, birthday, NIH training grant, department retreat, and exam (which I apparently need to find a mentor to train extensively with prior to, and hopefully this will actually give me the time to figure out how to go about doing this). The longest gap will be between when the training grant is due and when the department retreat/orientation is (I listed the retreats that will require me to present things in front of loads of people), with a gap of nearly six weeks. Based on the list, you can predict my levels of neurosis with a fair degree of accuracy, barring any unforeseen circumstances that will leave me pacing erratic circles in my room while consuming liters of tea. Because those do happen as well.
Somehow I only have half a day left, and still far too much to do.
Completely unrelated to the above paragraphs: my classmates and I found out that one of our classmates got married this past New Year's! She was sneaky and didn't tell anyone, so we found out mostly by looking at the slide the day of her presentation and noticing that her name is...different. There was a collective moment of "Ah, that's right -- life exists outside of lab...." Then we teased her about how it's not "official" until she posted about it in Facebook (because obviously our Facebook accounts are where we should post any "official" changes in status of any nature) though yes, I'll agree that finding out via Facebook is better than finding out on the title slide of a powerpoint about calcium channels in neurons. At least in Facebook there are photos. Don't let the "soon-to-be-Doctor" titles fool you -- we are very partial to pictures and, I'm starting to suspect, far worse when it comes to being easily distracted by the shiny and new than the average individual.
(People have said scientists are people who never grew out of the "why" stage of their childhood. My current experiences indicate that this is true. Most toddlers, however, probably are slightly less prone to really bad science jokes.)
(...Lucy... I just realized that the jokes we have about TLA -- Three Lettered Acronyms-- in science -- well, TLA is also Avatar. There is something inherently hilarious about trying to combine the two different fields of TLA. It's like...space-time warp or something. Or at least reality warp. For some definition of reality.)
I think, despite of my experience with my collaborator. I would like to work on zebrafish more at some point. They are transparent, they are one of the model organisms with a nervous system that's more homologous to that of mammals, and they have cooler names for mutants, like van gogh, sputnik and space cadet.
...that is neither here nor there. Oh well.
That being said, it looks like my committee meeting make take place during the first week that is on my two-month time frame, meaning it will be the week after next week (I did leave myself a week minimum to prepare), and that I'm allowed to postpone the exam, much to my relief. Thus, in terms of scheduling, my main events this summer (defined to commence the week after next week, since that's the last week of instructions)are: committee meeting, genetics retreat, Greece, birthday, NIH training grant, department retreat, and exam (which I apparently need to find a mentor to train extensively with prior to, and hopefully this will actually give me the time to figure out how to go about doing this). The longest gap will be between when the training grant is due and when the department retreat/orientation is (I listed the retreats that will require me to present things in front of loads of people), with a gap of nearly six weeks. Based on the list, you can predict my levels of neurosis with a fair degree of accuracy, barring any unforeseen circumstances that will leave me pacing erratic circles in my room while consuming liters of tea. Because those do happen as well.
Somehow I only have half a day left, and still far too much to do.
Completely unrelated to the above paragraphs: my classmates and I found out that one of our classmates got married this past New Year's! She was sneaky and didn't tell anyone, so we found out mostly by looking at the slide the day of her presentation and noticing that her name is...different. There was a collective moment of "Ah, that's right -- life exists outside of lab...." Then we teased her about how it's not "official" until she posted about it in Facebook (because obviously our Facebook accounts are where we should post any "official" changes in status of any nature) though yes, I'll agree that finding out via Facebook is better than finding out on the title slide of a powerpoint about calcium channels in neurons. At least in Facebook there are photos. Don't let the "soon-to-be-Doctor" titles fool you -- we are very partial to pictures and, I'm starting to suspect, far worse when it comes to being easily distracted by the shiny and new than the average individual.
(People have said scientists are people who never grew out of the "why" stage of their childhood. My current experiences indicate that this is true. Most toddlers, however, probably are slightly less prone to really bad science jokes.)
(...Lucy... I just realized that the jokes we have about TLA -- Three Lettered Acronyms-- in science -- well, TLA is also Avatar. There is something inherently hilarious about trying to combine the two different fields of TLA. It's like...space-time warp or something. Or at least reality warp. For some definition of reality.)
I think, despite of my experience with my collaborator. I would like to work on zebrafish more at some point. They are transparent, they are one of the model organisms with a nervous system that's more homologous to that of mammals, and they have cooler names for mutants, like van gogh, sputnik and space cadet.
...that is neither here nor there. Oh well.
20110528
Grad school is giving me mood swings
As people might have guessed from my previous post, one of my experiments, one of the ones that I have spent MONTHS AND MONTHS tormenting myself over, worked. This prompted a fit of ecstasy because there's no euphoria like the feeling when you discover something that no one else in the world knows, and you know that this is not an exaggeration.
I allowed myself thirty minutes of grinning like a idiot before sensibility has to set in and I had to remind myself of just how much more work I have to do in order for this new bit of information to be in anyway useful. But well, that's how it works.
Then another one of my experiments, that I have also been banging my head against a desk for for months and months, also seemed to have worked. I say "seemed" because I cannot seem to convince my collaborator that my signal is real, for a variety of reasons partly stemming from the fact that I don't have QUITE the right type of instrument to record the data (can't use his -- their lab needs it all the time and the only time they don't need it it's after hours and I can't get into their building or lab anyway, given that the whole thing is locked and I don't have the access codes), to the fact that he specialized in hematopoiesis and I specialize in...neural progenitor cells, apparently. But the signal--if it's real-- is expressed exactly where I expect it to be according to my recordings so I had an entire hour of excitement before he mailed back and told me he remains unconvinced.
So now I'm designing three parallel experiments to try to convince him (yes it's important-- if I can't convince a collaborator, then I have no right to expect that I can convince the scientists who are going to review my manuscript).
This happens to be the collaborator who has emailed my PI behind my back (and he still has not acknowledged that he did this, so I guess we are pretending that this did not happen?) and who DID meet up with my PI without my knowledge. Apparently he was concerned that this one experiment is all that I'm doing and that it's taking me over a year and I still have no convincing data. I feel a little -- okay, a lot -- insulted that he thought this is what my capabilities are, though I will acknowledge that IF this is what he believed, he had a right to express concern -- I'd fire me if this were true. I was a little frustrated by this misunderstanding because I did offer to explain my project to him, two or three times, so he can see where our collaboration (which is about 1/12th of my dissertation in terms of itemize experiments at the most and only registered on the priority list because there's a collaborator involved) fits in, but it never happened due to time constraint on his part. So I felt this misunderstanding is unnecessary, not to mention...did he really have to go behind my back to my thesis advisor directly? Really?
Pondering this led me back to a black mood, which directly led to a fit of frustration during which I jury-rigged our million-dollar microscope with LED and tape (which led to one of the post-docs nicknaming me "MacGyver") (which is a new one and, after googling it, I decided that I'm quite flattered by this) so I can re-image my previous three experiments and sent my collaborator the results, which he decided are much better. That was score one for me and my roll of tape (yes I did restore the microscope afterwards -- the other post-docs who need it would throw a fit if I didn't), and I was somewhat cheered.
Then I got a notification that the frame for my new glasses were not covered by my insurance because it was bought at an unrecognized location, despite of the fact that I bought it at the student optometry center where I got my lenses, which were covered. I have yet to sort out but ugh, paper work.
After that I sorted through a bunch of data for my behavioral tests and realized that the really cool bit of data for one of them is no longer statistically significant, after I added in the new data. Lack of significance, when compared to the data from the previous cohort, is very hard to decipher. Cue long moments of staring at my monitor, with that tune -- what's it called? Eye of the Storm?--running through my head. Current interpretation: inconclusive, dammit.
Then I got a very bizarre email from an undergraduate who wanted to know if I was still TAing the course I did last year. When I told her no, she emailed again and asked if I would be willing to help in a review session anyway, despite of the fact that I pointed out to her that there are actual TAs with actual access to the course material who will be running finals review sessions for the course. Though for all I know she could just be emailing all the former TAs individually until she got one that said "yes" (I told her I'd be willing to help answering any question she has about the course material provided that it can fit into my--currently insane--schedule), I decided to feel tentatively flattered by this. (No one I know has been emailed for help after they're done TAing before.) We'll see how legit it is when she mails back possible times.
And then I got my spring evaluation, which means I need to schedule my annual thesis committee meeting pronto, which leads to the scheduling thing in Doodle and two months of time frame I gave to five professors and somehow, of the two professors who have signed in, there are only three days, in a two month period, when they would both have free time. I cringe to think of what the overlap will look like when all five have signed in. Perhaps I ought to have given them four months to pick from?
Many people have compared herding PIs to herding cats. I have had experience in both. My conclusion is that herding cats is infinitely easier because, for all that they may hiss and scratch, I still out-rank them in the grand scheme of things. I cannot drag a hissing and scratching PI from under the couch, so: cats? Easier.
I can spend both days at home this weekend, instead of in lab. This is an automatic brownie point in terms of mood, even if I have to spent a lot of time pouring over papers and data, while muttering to myself like a madman. There are benefits to being at home. Home is where tea is. And ice cream. And sun. It would seem, at a glance, to be ridiculous to be missing the sun while residing in southern California, but such is the fate of a bench scientist-in-training.
And then I got an email for the exam for the martial arts class I've started taking, which I have adored mostly because I live in my head enough as it is and the classes are my two hours each week where I a) learn how to fall without hurting myself and defend myself against someone twice my size and b) am forced (Karen threatened to thwack me with a stick if I didn't stop thinking before I made every move) to be aware of my body as something more than a handy place to house my brain. It is oddly relaxing. Until I get exam notices apparently. I have nothing against the ranking system but another exam. Right after the Greece trip apparently. And I have watched an exam before and it's done with all the people staring at you and it's creepy and I do not need more stress. No. But I suppose it's ...good for personal growth or something. Between the thesis committee scrutinizing my mind and the testing committee scrutinizing my body I, if nothing else, will (need to) become very comfortable with both my mental and physical self very soon. No seriously, I am trying to figure out how mandatory is the exam. So I can figure out if I can skip it.
This requires more tea.
I allowed myself thirty minutes of grinning like a idiot before sensibility has to set in and I had to remind myself of just how much more work I have to do in order for this new bit of information to be in anyway useful. But well, that's how it works.
Then another one of my experiments, that I have also been banging my head against a desk for for months and months, also seemed to have worked. I say "seemed" because I cannot seem to convince my collaborator that my signal is real, for a variety of reasons partly stemming from the fact that I don't have QUITE the right type of instrument to record the data (can't use his -- their lab needs it all the time and the only time they don't need it it's after hours and I can't get into their building or lab anyway, given that the whole thing is locked and I don't have the access codes), to the fact that he specialized in hematopoiesis and I specialize in...neural progenitor cells, apparently. But the signal--if it's real-- is expressed exactly where I expect it to be according to my recordings so I had an entire hour of excitement before he mailed back and told me he remains unconvinced.
So now I'm designing three parallel experiments to try to convince him (yes it's important-- if I can't convince a collaborator, then I have no right to expect that I can convince the scientists who are going to review my manuscript).
This happens to be the collaborator who has emailed my PI behind my back (and he still has not acknowledged that he did this, so I guess we are pretending that this did not happen?) and who DID meet up with my PI without my knowledge. Apparently he was concerned that this one experiment is all that I'm doing and that it's taking me over a year and I still have no convincing data. I feel a little -- okay, a lot -- insulted that he thought this is what my capabilities are, though I will acknowledge that IF this is what he believed, he had a right to express concern -- I'd fire me if this were true. I was a little frustrated by this misunderstanding because I did offer to explain my project to him, two or three times, so he can see where our collaboration (which is about 1/12th of my dissertation in terms of itemize experiments at the most and only registered on the priority list because there's a collaborator involved) fits in, but it never happened due to time constraint on his part. So I felt this misunderstanding is unnecessary, not to mention...did he really have to go behind my back to my thesis advisor directly? Really?
Pondering this led me back to a black mood, which directly led to a fit of frustration during which I jury-rigged our million-dollar microscope with LED and tape (which led to one of the post-docs nicknaming me "MacGyver") (which is a new one and, after googling it, I decided that I'm quite flattered by this) so I can re-image my previous three experiments and sent my collaborator the results, which he decided are much better. That was score one for me and my roll of tape (yes I did restore the microscope afterwards -- the other post-docs who need it would throw a fit if I didn't), and I was somewhat cheered.
Then I got a notification that the frame for my new glasses were not covered by my insurance because it was bought at an unrecognized location, despite of the fact that I bought it at the student optometry center where I got my lenses, which were covered. I have yet to sort out but ugh, paper work.
After that I sorted through a bunch of data for my behavioral tests and realized that the really cool bit of data for one of them is no longer statistically significant, after I added in the new data. Lack of significance, when compared to the data from the previous cohort, is very hard to decipher. Cue long moments of staring at my monitor, with that tune -- what's it called? Eye of the Storm?--running through my head. Current interpretation: inconclusive, dammit.
Then I got a very bizarre email from an undergraduate who wanted to know if I was still TAing the course I did last year. When I told her no, she emailed again and asked if I would be willing to help in a review session anyway, despite of the fact that I pointed out to her that there are actual TAs with actual access to the course material who will be running finals review sessions for the course. Though for all I know she could just be emailing all the former TAs individually until she got one that said "yes" (I told her I'd be willing to help answering any question she has about the course material provided that it can fit into my--currently insane--schedule), I decided to feel tentatively flattered by this. (No one I know has been emailed for help after they're done TAing before.) We'll see how legit it is when she mails back possible times.
And then I got my spring evaluation, which means I need to schedule my annual thesis committee meeting pronto, which leads to the scheduling thing in Doodle and two months of time frame I gave to five professors and somehow, of the two professors who have signed in, there are only three days, in a two month period, when they would both have free time. I cringe to think of what the overlap will look like when all five have signed in. Perhaps I ought to have given them four months to pick from?
Many people have compared herding PIs to herding cats. I have had experience in both. My conclusion is that herding cats is infinitely easier because, for all that they may hiss and scratch, I still out-rank them in the grand scheme of things. I cannot drag a hissing and scratching PI from under the couch, so: cats? Easier.
I can spend both days at home this weekend, instead of in lab. This is an automatic brownie point in terms of mood, even if I have to spent a lot of time pouring over papers and data, while muttering to myself like a madman. There are benefits to being at home. Home is where tea is. And ice cream. And sun. It would seem, at a glance, to be ridiculous to be missing the sun while residing in southern California, but such is the fate of a bench scientist-in-training.
And then I got an email for the exam for the martial arts class I've started taking, which I have adored mostly because I live in my head enough as it is and the classes are my two hours each week where I a) learn how to fall without hurting myself and defend myself against someone twice my size and b) am forced (Karen threatened to thwack me with a stick if I didn't stop thinking before I made every move) to be aware of my body as something more than a handy place to house my brain. It is oddly relaxing. Until I get exam notices apparently. I have nothing against the ranking system but another exam. Right after the Greece trip apparently. And I have watched an exam before and it's done with all the people staring at you and it's creepy and I do not need more stress. No. But I suppose it's ...good for personal growth or something. Between the thesis committee scrutinizing my mind and the testing committee scrutinizing my body I, if nothing else, will (need to) become very comfortable with both my mental and physical self very soon. No seriously, I am trying to figure out how mandatory is the exam. So I can figure out if I can skip it.
This requires more tea.
20110524
20110522
I can think of no titles
I am currently staring at this text field, blanking out. There were things I meant to write about, aside from what I've already mentioned, but I suppose I will have to wait for them to come back to me.
Lab was...well I experienced another setback on Saturday, where half of the embryos I needed promptly died. (It happens in biology. Does not make it any more pleasant.) I meant to draw more this weekend, but it got shuffled off into the wee hours of Saturday where I was dragged out of bed by the fire trucks screaming by and then, by someone particularly persistent about catching the attention of someone else by honking their car after which my brain shunted itself off to experiment-planning mode and I was having trouble falling asleep via normal methods. I did get Lucy's note about mini-bottles of alcohol though, and so even though the recommended places were not conveniently close, I took a careful look through the alcohol beverage sections of stores for the first time while grocery shopping and was able to get white wine, probably of some terrible vintage, in tiny glass bottles that I will promptly use to store syrup (I think I figured out how to make syrup from fruit / flowers that can be used in baking & Italian sodas!).
Dreaming lately is a lot more fractured, when I'm not dreaming about lab. There was none that was developed enough to catch interest except one where I was kidnapped (sort of, explaining the entire situation would take too long -- but I got a chance to be inside of a imaginary limo which, upon awakening was both fascinating and entertaining) and the world operated on an utopia / dystopia basis where there are massive carousel-like machines that regulate energy flow in the atmosphere (named after colors but, in my defense, we have quarks with weirder names) and World Peace was achieved because people can be divided into the types of colors and it's all massively creepy.
I don't think I dream when I'm drugged. I may need to start a spreadsheet column to keep track of this.
For my none-work browser I've switched from Chrome to Opera (Firefox is still my favorite by far) due to even more issues I've found with the design (sure the GUI is slicker but where are all the program options I'm used to seeing in Firefox and Opera? Google tells me I can't adjust them) and the apparent shortage of free add-ons (and do no other browser have the "start searching text while typing" option?) that I've come to depend on (like the fact auto-detect proxy just isn't enough and I need to be able to toggle on and off proxy).
Have successfully reached compromise about my return trip from airport, which will be via taxi. Have temporarily given up on Greek declensions to focus solely on the vocabulary, as a nod to the sudden and terrifying need to memorize the common phenotypes associated with the misregulation of every neurotransmitter known to the Purves neuroscience textbook, within the next month. (I don't know if you would count this as "life suddenly got exciting", given that "stress" is not quite the same in terms of connotation as "excitement", but there certainly won't be time to be bored.) My old laser pointer turned out to be too weak to use with the brightness of about half of the projectors in our buildings and so I got one of those green ones with the terrifyingly bright laser that feels like it can burn your retina if you stare at the projected dot too long.
Blogger needs friends-lock, come to think of it. It's one of the features I like about LJ. I am writing about the things I remembered as they come back to me but I can't shake off the feeling that I'm only hitting about 90% recovery.
Oh right: The PI wanted me to write my results up "modularly", meaning that each project of my dissertation gets written as a section that is potentially stand-alone and can be arranged with the other sections in any order as needed, as I go. I am agreeing because I like being able to dot the i's, cross the t's and mark something done. I maintain that it is satisfying for the soul. Well. And also because the nuances of phrasing for pinpoint accuracy in scientific literature is such that I prefer to do my permutations for the most exact way to report a result while all the results and procedures are fresh in my head. Doubtless the PI will forget why we settled on a certain way to phrase things by the time the manuscript is being drafted, but I will keep each draft of the revision for these as we go (he got me a 500G harddrive, afterall) so hopefully this will save some pain and frustration further down the line. In the meantime, I can report that it took me three hours to put together the data and methods sections for a "module" that is ...less than 1/8th of my dissertation. Data and methods sections are supposed to be the easiest to write (either discussion or conclusion the hardest, depending on whom you ask), so my future is looking a bit more daunting. However, I did also discover that when I'm not also trying to run experiments at the same time, writing is a lot less stressful. After the second cup of tea I can reach a state of zen where I alternate between typing like mad and shuffling through digital files for the exact number / name that I need which...okay, doesn't sound very zen-like, but it is definitely a state of mind that one can achieve, however meditative (or not) it may be.
Why do recipe for frosting that comes with the cake always give me nearly twice as much frosting as I need?
Lab was...well I experienced another setback on Saturday, where half of the embryos I needed promptly died. (It happens in biology. Does not make it any more pleasant.) I meant to draw more this weekend, but it got shuffled off into the wee hours of Saturday where I was dragged out of bed by the fire trucks screaming by and then, by someone particularly persistent about catching the attention of someone else by honking their car after which my brain shunted itself off to experiment-planning mode and I was having trouble falling asleep via normal methods. I did get Lucy's note about mini-bottles of alcohol though, and so even though the recommended places were not conveniently close, I took a careful look through the alcohol beverage sections of stores for the first time while grocery shopping and was able to get white wine, probably of some terrible vintage, in tiny glass bottles that I will promptly use to store syrup (I think I figured out how to make syrup from fruit / flowers that can be used in baking & Italian sodas!).
Dreaming lately is a lot more fractured, when I'm not dreaming about lab. There was none that was developed enough to catch interest except one where I was kidnapped (sort of, explaining the entire situation would take too long -- but I got a chance to be inside of a imaginary limo which, upon awakening was both fascinating and entertaining) and the world operated on an utopia / dystopia basis where there are massive carousel-like machines that regulate energy flow in the atmosphere (named after colors but, in my defense, we have quarks with weirder names) and World Peace was achieved because people can be divided into the types of colors and it's all massively creepy.
I don't think I dream when I'm drugged. I may need to start a spreadsheet column to keep track of this.
For my none-work browser I've switched from Chrome to Opera (Firefox is still my favorite by far) due to even more issues I've found with the design (sure the GUI is slicker but where are all the program options I'm used to seeing in Firefox and Opera? Google tells me I can't adjust them) and the apparent shortage of free add-ons (and do no other browser have the "start searching text while typing" option?) that I've come to depend on (like the fact auto-detect proxy just isn't enough and I need to be able to toggle on and off proxy).
Have successfully reached compromise about my return trip from airport, which will be via taxi. Have temporarily given up on Greek declensions to focus solely on the vocabulary, as a nod to the sudden and terrifying need to memorize the common phenotypes associated with the misregulation of every neurotransmitter known to the Purves neuroscience textbook, within the next month. (I don't know if you would count this as "life suddenly got exciting", given that "stress" is not quite the same in terms of connotation as "excitement", but there certainly won't be time to be bored.) My old laser pointer turned out to be too weak to use with the brightness of about half of the projectors in our buildings and so I got one of those green ones with the terrifyingly bright laser that feels like it can burn your retina if you stare at the projected dot too long.
Blogger needs friends-lock, come to think of it. It's one of the features I like about LJ. I am writing about the things I remembered as they come back to me but I can't shake off the feeling that I'm only hitting about 90% recovery.
Oh right: The PI wanted me to write my results up "modularly", meaning that each project of my dissertation gets written as a section that is potentially stand-alone and can be arranged with the other sections in any order as needed, as I go. I am agreeing because I like being able to dot the i's, cross the t's and mark something done. I maintain that it is satisfying for the soul. Well. And also because the nuances of phrasing for pinpoint accuracy in scientific literature is such that I prefer to do my permutations for the most exact way to report a result while all the results and procedures are fresh in my head. Doubtless the PI will forget why we settled on a certain way to phrase things by the time the manuscript is being drafted, but I will keep each draft of the revision for these as we go (he got me a 500G harddrive, afterall) so hopefully this will save some pain and frustration further down the line. In the meantime, I can report that it took me three hours to put together the data and methods sections for a "module" that is ...less than 1/8th of my dissertation. Data and methods sections are supposed to be the easiest to write (either discussion or conclusion the hardest, depending on whom you ask), so my future is looking a bit more daunting. However, I did also discover that when I'm not also trying to run experiments at the same time, writing is a lot less stressful. After the second cup of tea I can reach a state of zen where I alternate between typing like mad and shuffling through digital files for the exact number / name that I need which...okay, doesn't sound very zen-like, but it is definitely a state of mind that one can achieve, however meditative (or not) it may be.
Why do recipe for frosting that comes with the cake always give me nearly twice as much frosting as I need?
20110521
O tempora o mores
Am on campus alone right now and just found this in inbox:
I have been, for the past three years, avoiding needing to go home (as that I commute alone) after 7pm. (I had to do 6:45pm a few times and in the winter when it's dark, chilly and wet it's very unpleasant.) It's ...actually not that reassuring to know my paranoia is justified. (This is even more sinister than that deal with racism: at least that one the person didn't try to harm anyone physically, just to scare people and potentially cause psychological trauma.)
Then again if it's justified, is it still paranoia?
ALL ACADEMICS, STAFF AND STUDENTS AT [----]
SUBJECT: Attempted Kidnapping on 5/20 @ 8:00pm
Please be on alert. [----] Police are investigating an attempted
kidnapping that occurred on 5/20/2011 at 8:00pm just West of the [----]
Library. The victim reported that an unknown male came up from behind,
put a paper bag over her head and attempted to drag her off the pathway.
The victim was able to pull free and flee.
The suspect is light skinned, with wavy brown hair, approximately 5'9",
medium build and was wearing blue jeans.
If you have any information on this incident, please contact the [----]
Police at (858) 534-4357.
I have been, for the past three years, avoiding needing to go home (as that I commute alone) after 7pm. (I had to do 6:45pm a few times and in the winter when it's dark, chilly and wet it's very unpleasant.) It's ...actually not that reassuring to know my paranoia is justified. (This is even more sinister than that deal with racism: at least that one the person didn't try to harm anyone physically, just to scare people and potentially cause psychological trauma.)
Then again if it's justified, is it still paranoia?
20110520
Well, this week was a wash
I am still (of course) troubleshooting experiments. Nothing has been solved yet and I must go to lab this weekend as well (though hmm...possible break at least one of the two days next weekend? A girl can dream). At some point mid-week a few classmates and I were talking and we realized that we're going to be technically fourth years in less than a month and we still have no publications. You could've practically heard the blood pressure rising. To add to this somewhat...worrying revelation, I found out, from my PI no less (who didn't seem that concerned, or at least did not allow himself to appear concerned in front of me, bless him), that one of my collaborators had emailed him, without telling me, requesting an audience with my PI. This occurred after a meeting with that collaborator on the previous day, during which he reminded me that I've been trying to get this one experiment to work for over a year now and the conversation involved the phrase "I don't want to be a defeatist, but....".
...and so I spent the half an hour post that feeling humiliated and generally upset, because in my experience the only reason why a collaborator would go to the PI without going through the person they are collaborating with is if they have an issue with that person that they don't think can be revolved and would require the touch of a...higher power, shall we say. My PI didn't even say anything, really. He just wanted to know where I am with that project because he got that email. That made me feel worse at the time because I felt that I've disgraced him with my inability to successfully troubleshoot this one infuriating experiment. Wendy subsequently had to do the metaphorical hand-holding and generally be very sympathetic and patient.
Then because, according to Evernote, I have around five to seven experiments running on any given day (feels about right) (this is the only reason why I can continue to produce data despite of my spectacular ineptitude in certain areas...such as biochemistry), I had to haul myself from the "I am made of fail" mindset to at least "meh" so I can at least go meet with my other collaborator to wrap up our (thankfully much more successful) project and continue with the rest of my day and experiments. Depression is unfortunately not very productive, and I have apparently already reached the time (fourth year! Already!) where I cannot afford to operate at anything but maximum efficiency.
Well at least the behavioral tests should be wrapped up (my end anyway) by the end of June, so I no longer have to work both days of the weekend. This is excellent news as that continuation of seven day work weeks for even two months longer is probably going to result in burnout.
In the meantime, I have discovered Zotero (like Endnote, except open-source -- actually so much like Endnote that Endnote tried to sue them, and failed), which seems lovely and has 1550 journal formats I can load to help me keep track of my now no-longer-manually-manageable list of references. And does Chrome not allow printing to PDF? Or is there an obvious button somewhere that I've missed? How do I get to NOT remember my search/browse history? What? Evernote is still awesome, even though I moved all my gel images to a different drive and so confused it for a bit.
I will talk about the career courses another time. For now it suffices to say that the week-long course has been useful, but not in the way I expected.
I think I have figured out a way to articulate my disagreement with the philosophy behind the book Atlas Shrugged. This too, shall have to wait, as it's getting late and I desperately need to sleep. Last time my brain zoned out (early this morning) it started wondering about the optimal distance between and rotational acceleration of dominoes (when it tips over toward the next one in line) which -- what?
Finally, the lady downstairs moved out to New Mexico (where her daughter and probably grandchildren are). If you don't count the girlfriends, I think I may now be the only female living in our building. Though given that I practically live on campus these days I suppose it doesn't matter.
Sleep now. And Friday is here which means that I won! Because the awful bits have passed, and I'm still here, you see. Well, cheers.
...and so I spent the half an hour post that feeling humiliated and generally upset, because in my experience the only reason why a collaborator would go to the PI without going through the person they are collaborating with is if they have an issue with that person that they don't think can be revolved and would require the touch of a...higher power, shall we say. My PI didn't even say anything, really. He just wanted to know where I am with that project because he got that email. That made me feel worse at the time because I felt that I've disgraced him with my inability to successfully troubleshoot this one infuriating experiment. Wendy subsequently had to do the metaphorical hand-holding and generally be very sympathetic and patient.
Then because, according to Evernote, I have around five to seven experiments running on any given day (feels about right) (this is the only reason why I can continue to produce data despite of my spectacular ineptitude in certain areas...such as biochemistry), I had to haul myself from the "I am made of fail" mindset to at least "meh" so I can at least go meet with my other collaborator to wrap up our (thankfully much more successful) project and continue with the rest of my day and experiments. Depression is unfortunately not very productive, and I have apparently already reached the time (fourth year! Already!) where I cannot afford to operate at anything but maximum efficiency.
Well at least the behavioral tests should be wrapped up (my end anyway) by the end of June, so I no longer have to work both days of the weekend. This is excellent news as that continuation of seven day work weeks for even two months longer is probably going to result in burnout.
In the meantime, I have discovered Zotero (like Endnote, except open-source -- actually so much like Endnote that Endnote tried to sue them, and failed), which seems lovely and has 1550 journal formats I can load to help me keep track of my now no-longer-manually-manageable list of references. And does Chrome not allow printing to PDF? Or is there an obvious button somewhere that I've missed? How do I get to NOT remember my search/browse history? What? Evernote is still awesome, even though I moved all my gel images to a different drive and so confused it for a bit.
I will talk about the career courses another time. For now it suffices to say that the week-long course has been useful, but not in the way I expected.
I think I have figured out a way to articulate my disagreement with the philosophy behind the book Atlas Shrugged. This too, shall have to wait, as it's getting late and I desperately need to sleep. Last time my brain zoned out (early this morning) it started wondering about the optimal distance between and rotational acceleration of dominoes (when it tips over toward the next one in line) which -- what?
Finally, the lady downstairs moved out to New Mexico (where her daughter and probably grandchildren are). If you don't count the girlfriends, I think I may now be the only female living in our building. Though given that I practically live on campus these days I suppose it doesn't matter.
Sleep now. And Friday is here which means that I won! Because the awful bits have passed, and I'm still here, you see. Well, cheers.
20110515
...I...babies...what?
So I found out one of my upperclassman (one year my senior) is having a baby. And getting married. Though I assume they're getting married before the baby arrived. I would've thought it was a joke (she did plan out a "pretend to have gotten married" joke while I did a rotation in that lab)except she has ultrasound images (which mostly looked like smudges to me but she claimed she's having a girl and was super excited) and she's sold her motorcycle and brought a wedding dress so it seems like it's really happening, after all, and I'm left staring at the tiny purple specks of fruitfly embryos spinning through 70% glycerol and wonder at the madness of life. Especially given that we're both in genetics lab so there're probably bets going on on how the gene segregation will work out or something, but that is what normal is now, isn't it?
I was going to write about something else, probably, but my thoughts are so utterly derailed that going back on track is just not going to happen.
I was going to write about something else, probably, but my thoughts are so utterly derailed that going back on track is just not going to happen.
20110514
Career thoughts and also, cake
Well, it's now the weekend and time for my twice-a-week verbal diarrhea. Though we'll see how this goes since I'm currently STILL in lab, and my timer informs me I have 19min and 23 seconds left (and then it's a bunch of short incubations and trip down to the vivarium to visit my mice).
The title recapitulates my thoughts for the day fairly accurately. The former is a joint combination between Wendy's graduation and application for a very specific program that's only available in two places (or so it seems) on the west coast, a bunch of places on the east coast, and a few lonely spots in central US of A (though she's not going to go for the latter because she has a husband and a one year old -- east coast is a probability because of relatives, but west coast is still ideal for obvious reasons), the sudden rush of thesis defenses scheduled in the next four weeks (if you want to walk in the spring commencement you have to graduate NOW) and the flurry of publications in journals such as ...oh, Nature explaining how the job prospects of PhDs is really suffering in the recent years.
The last can be summed up thus:
1. government believes advancement in science = improvement in society
2. recent years = increase in PhD program funding
3. labs like PhD students, in the lab hierarchy we are the cheapest source of labor outside of undergrads, who have neither the same level of skill nor the time commitment
4. increase in funding + cheap labor >> lots more PhD students
5. lots of PhD students >> lots of PhDs
6. there are very few slots open in the academia for tenure track positions
7. PIs like the encourage their students to compete for the "prestige" of tenure track positions
8. CONCLUSION: recent flux of PhDs of unequal quality (depending on where your program is) who are ill equipped for any career outside of academia, who are over-qualified for normal B.S/ M.S. jobs (PhDs generally require higher starting salary which companies don't like), who can't all fill faculty positions because there are too few positions open.
Then you add into the mix the recent deal of what sounds like cuts in research funds but not PhD program funds and ...that actually will increase PhD students enrolled because we are cheap and my God what a mess.
So...there is a week-long course next week on careers in biomedical science (every other year is general topic, the rest of the time it's focused on pharmaceutical sciences) and I enrolled and was encouraged by my PI to attend. It's interesting how much my view regarding what it's like doing research has changed since I started graduate school. While during high school age my plans were nothing more concrete than "be a scientist", my undergraduate resolve to apply for graduate school was sadly not more specific than "be qualified to have and run my own project / experiments". Upon graduate school (I am a third year, soon to be a forth year, so I'm reasonably sure that I now have enough experience to start forming some sort of opinion), however, I find that the pragmatic and the idealistic must be reconciled, and soon. Got to live, got to eat to live, got to work to eat, got to find work, and finding work... well saying that doing what you love is all well and good, but doing what you love, even if it's doing research, turns out to be more complicated than I expected.
From what I've seen of the syllabus for next week, if I am intend to remain in the field of research, my options are industry or academia was I originally surmised, nearly a year ago. (There are other career options, such as law & policy, writing, consulting &c.) The industry, from what people tell me (I've been discretely polling post-docs) has the advantage that they only use systems that are already developed (so no spending 90% of your time trying to troubleshoot experiments) and no hair-pulling over grant writing and renewal. And possibly better hours -- though that depends on the company and the experiment -- if you got something hot going on, you're still going to be plotting your life around your experiments, regardless. The academia, in contrast, has the grants and the truly INSANE amount of troubleshooting (also, my fish in situ did not work again this week -- why does it not work?), but you'd have the advantage of pursuing your interest, whereas industry will force you to pick on what the directors say will most likely earn a handsome profit. In addition, there's less issue about copyright / withholding information -- for the most part (some fields are more generous about sharing data and reagents than others) it's all very delightfully "information wants to be free! :D" here. In either case there is going to be lab / inter-lab / inter-departmental / workplace politics & drama. In either case there's probably going to be some sort of teaching / mentoring involved (I was told that if you have a PhD you tend to end up heading a research group in the industry). So.
I still do believe that the roles of a scientist is to a) advance knowledge and b) aid humanity. The fact that I continue to doggedly believe this despite of my age, experience, and knowledge is probably indicative of some sort of gross character flaw. Nevertheless, while I continue to believe this I think I will, against all odds, stick with academia for research and cast my net of opportunity for that 0.3% chance of success. Except that isn't necessarily so either.
Let me explain: when people (by which I mean graduate students and post-docs) say they are going to hack it in the academia, it's expect that they reach a tenure-track position as a appointed professor as their end point. I'm not sure if I want to be a professor.
... ...
Well that answers the question of timing. I'm now at home. My day went lab, groceries, lab, and I need to do laundry, but where was I? Oh yes.
I have determined that I don't particularly want to be professor. On top of the teaching requirements, it seem to require piles upon piles of paperwork and meetings to deal with the responsibilities of an entire lab and its role in the department. My PI is enthusiastic about his job and he has tried to explain to me how rewarding it is. I mostly failed to comprehend. Especially given that he has to do class plans and contact collaborators and give talks and write proposals -- all things that I don't really like doing and deal with only because I have to -- and he doesn't even get to run any experiments at all, because he simply has no time between all the writing and talking. "I have resigned myself to the fact that these days I can do more for the field of science writing and talking than running experiments," he told me a few months ago, and possibly slavers at the chance to run a PCR. No one should be that excited to run a PCR, unless it's your first time doing it, maybe.
Then as of this...Wednesday? Thursday? I have discovered there's another alternative.
As I've mentioned, PIs like grad students because of cheap labor. The same is true (though to a lesser degree, because they do get paid more than us) for post-docs. Project-scientists are what people become after their five-year maximum allotment for post-doctoral fellowships. They are rare because a lot of people start to drop out at that point because of discouragement from the last of available faculty positions, but also because they costs more, still, and PIs don't like to hire them because with the same amount of money they can get almost the same amount of work out of grad students and post-docs.
The discovery I've made is that it's possible to be a project scientist with your own project and independent funding From what I understand, the trade off is this: you affiliate yourself with a lab and get to use the lab equipment and reagents (necessary: most lab equipments in my fields costs as much or more than a car) and use people in their as sounding boards with the lab's built-in social-network (which I guess might necessarily be a good thing, depending on the lab, but that aside...), you get to run your own project and share animal space in the vivarium and publish your own papers. In return you have to pay attention to the lab's PI, train the occasional labmate in techniques, and the PI gets the spot of honor at the end of the author's list on all your publications. Your appeal as a hireling increases because you come with your own funding. You still get to pick and run your own projects. You don't have to deal with the responsibility of running a lab and can avoid most of the teaching & department requirements. I know this is possible because I found a lady in the lab next door who does just this.
Although I have no idea how much easier / harder it is to get a grant to fund one project instead of an entire lab, and I suspect my parents would still like the prestige of the title of a professor if possible, this...well, it's still a possible and concrete goal for me to aspire towards. After the post-doc, because you can't get hired at all after PhD without post-doctoral experience. So: that's my goal for now. The added benefit of this is, if the appeal of a scientist with her own funding for her project is true, the need for bench-scientists (what we call those of us who run experiments) far out-trips the need for faculty, and I'll have a much better pick of where I work in terms of location as well, which is infinitely preferred since I still plan to "settle down" (or at least my version thereof) in the bay area in the long run, no matter where I end up in between now and then. (I still plan to adopt some day. The lady has two children and a working husband. I'm still trying to work out the logistics.)
Then, upon finding myself working out the "what am I going to do with myself in life" step much sooner than my upperclassmen and that I need to go into lab BOTH DAYS AGAIN I got myself cake. To celebrate, you see. It's the Pepperidge one from the freezer and it's got chocolate on it and I finally got around to loading the photos I took from that walk a couple weeks ago and no those two thoughts are not really related. I don't plan to upload the photos to the internet, since most of them are of private residence and I'm using them as references for designs only. My predilection for wrought-iron things is clearly apparent, especially when coupled with glass and climbing ivy, though I appear to be quite fond of ceramic tiles as well. I also apparently took a slightly out of focus photo of that ridiculous peach-colored house I saw, with the rococo molding and the most pretentious topiaries I've ever seen. It would not have been out of place as a small art gallery / museum.
Have a slight headache now. I'm trying out things that can put me to sleep even when the neighbors are loud or when I'm stuck on a plane for over ten hours next to complete strangers. Benadryl appears to only work if coupled with Zyrtec. Given how well the cold med the past winter took me out, it's possible that Benadryl might work well on its own as well if I coupled it with a small amount of alcohol. However, I'm unwilling to buy a entire container of alcohol for the two tablespoons I'll need for this experiment, so that won't do. Zyrtec by itself doesn't work. Tylenol doesn't work. I don't want to deal with solely alcohol for various reasons, but I might look into what CVS offers in terms of melatonin-type things and see how that goes.
Cake!
The title recapitulates my thoughts for the day fairly accurately. The former is a joint combination between Wendy's graduation and application for a very specific program that's only available in two places (or so it seems) on the west coast, a bunch of places on the east coast, and a few lonely spots in central US of A (though she's not going to go for the latter because she has a husband and a one year old -- east coast is a probability because of relatives, but west coast is still ideal for obvious reasons), the sudden rush of thesis defenses scheduled in the next four weeks (if you want to walk in the spring commencement you have to graduate NOW) and the flurry of publications in journals such as ...oh, Nature explaining how the job prospects of PhDs is really suffering in the recent years.
The last can be summed up thus:
1. government believes advancement in science = improvement in society
2. recent years = increase in PhD program funding
3. labs like PhD students, in the lab hierarchy we are the cheapest source of labor outside of undergrads, who have neither the same level of skill nor the time commitment
4. increase in funding + cheap labor >> lots more PhD students
5. lots of PhD students >> lots of PhDs
6. there are very few slots open in the academia for tenure track positions
7. PIs like the encourage their students to compete for the "prestige" of tenure track positions
8. CONCLUSION: recent flux of PhDs of unequal quality (depending on where your program is) who are ill equipped for any career outside of academia, who are over-qualified for normal B.S/ M.S. jobs (PhDs generally require higher starting salary which companies don't like), who can't all fill faculty positions because there are too few positions open.
Then you add into the mix the recent deal of what sounds like cuts in research funds but not PhD program funds and ...that actually will increase PhD students enrolled because we are cheap and my God what a mess.
So...there is a week-long course next week on careers in biomedical science (every other year is general topic, the rest of the time it's focused on pharmaceutical sciences) and I enrolled and was encouraged by my PI to attend. It's interesting how much my view regarding what it's like doing research has changed since I started graduate school. While during high school age my plans were nothing more concrete than "be a scientist", my undergraduate resolve to apply for graduate school was sadly not more specific than "be qualified to have and run my own project / experiments". Upon graduate school (I am a third year, soon to be a forth year, so I'm reasonably sure that I now have enough experience to start forming some sort of opinion), however, I find that the pragmatic and the idealistic must be reconciled, and soon. Got to live, got to eat to live, got to work to eat, got to find work, and finding work... well saying that doing what you love is all well and good, but doing what you love, even if it's doing research, turns out to be more complicated than I expected.
From what I've seen of the syllabus for next week, if I am intend to remain in the field of research, my options are industry or academia was I originally surmised, nearly a year ago. (There are other career options, such as law & policy, writing, consulting &c.) The industry, from what people tell me (I've been discretely polling post-docs) has the advantage that they only use systems that are already developed (so no spending 90% of your time trying to troubleshoot experiments) and no hair-pulling over grant writing and renewal. And possibly better hours -- though that depends on the company and the experiment -- if you got something hot going on, you're still going to be plotting your life around your experiments, regardless. The academia, in contrast, has the grants and the truly INSANE amount of troubleshooting (also, my fish in situ did not work again this week -- why does it not work?), but you'd have the advantage of pursuing your interest, whereas industry will force you to pick on what the directors say will most likely earn a handsome profit. In addition, there's less issue about copyright / withholding information -- for the most part (some fields are more generous about sharing data and reagents than others) it's all very delightfully "information wants to be free! :D" here. In either case there is going to be lab / inter-lab / inter-departmental / workplace politics & drama. In either case there's probably going to be some sort of teaching / mentoring involved (I was told that if you have a PhD you tend to end up heading a research group in the industry). So.
I still do believe that the roles of a scientist is to a) advance knowledge and b) aid humanity. The fact that I continue to doggedly believe this despite of my age, experience, and knowledge is probably indicative of some sort of gross character flaw. Nevertheless, while I continue to believe this I think I will, against all odds, stick with academia for research and cast my net of opportunity for that 0.3% chance of success. Except that isn't necessarily so either.
Let me explain: when people (by which I mean graduate students and post-docs) say they are going to hack it in the academia, it's expect that they reach a tenure-track position as a appointed professor as their end point. I'm not sure if I want to be a professor.
... ...
Well that answers the question of timing. I'm now at home. My day went lab, groceries, lab, and I need to do laundry, but where was I? Oh yes.
I have determined that I don't particularly want to be professor. On top of the teaching requirements, it seem to require piles upon piles of paperwork and meetings to deal with the responsibilities of an entire lab and its role in the department. My PI is enthusiastic about his job and he has tried to explain to me how rewarding it is. I mostly failed to comprehend. Especially given that he has to do class plans and contact collaborators and give talks and write proposals -- all things that I don't really like doing and deal with only because I have to -- and he doesn't even get to run any experiments at all, because he simply has no time between all the writing and talking. "I have resigned myself to the fact that these days I can do more for the field of science writing and talking than running experiments," he told me a few months ago, and possibly slavers at the chance to run a PCR. No one should be that excited to run a PCR, unless it's your first time doing it, maybe.
Then as of this...Wednesday? Thursday? I have discovered there's another alternative.
As I've mentioned, PIs like grad students because of cheap labor. The same is true (though to a lesser degree, because they do get paid more than us) for post-docs. Project-scientists are what people become after their five-year maximum allotment for post-doctoral fellowships. They are rare because a lot of people start to drop out at that point because of discouragement from the last of available faculty positions, but also because they costs more, still, and PIs don't like to hire them because with the same amount of money they can get almost the same amount of work out of grad students and post-docs.
The discovery I've made is that it's possible to be a project scientist with your own project and independent funding From what I understand, the trade off is this: you affiliate yourself with a lab and get to use the lab equipment and reagents (necessary: most lab equipments in my fields costs as much or more than a car) and use people in their as sounding boards with the lab's built-in social-network (which I guess might necessarily be a good thing, depending on the lab, but that aside...), you get to run your own project and share animal space in the vivarium and publish your own papers. In return you have to pay attention to the lab's PI, train the occasional labmate in techniques, and the PI gets the spot of honor at the end of the author's list on all your publications. Your appeal as a hireling increases because you come with your own funding. You still get to pick and run your own projects. You don't have to deal with the responsibility of running a lab and can avoid most of the teaching & department requirements. I know this is possible because I found a lady in the lab next door who does just this.
Although I have no idea how much easier / harder it is to get a grant to fund one project instead of an entire lab, and I suspect my parents would still like the prestige of the title of a professor if possible, this...well, it's still a possible and concrete goal for me to aspire towards. After the post-doc, because you can't get hired at all after PhD without post-doctoral experience. So: that's my goal for now. The added benefit of this is, if the appeal of a scientist with her own funding for her project is true, the need for bench-scientists (what we call those of us who run experiments) far out-trips the need for faculty, and I'll have a much better pick of where I work in terms of location as well, which is infinitely preferred since I still plan to "settle down" (or at least my version thereof) in the bay area in the long run, no matter where I end up in between now and then. (I still plan to adopt some day. The lady has two children and a working husband. I'm still trying to work out the logistics.)
Then, upon finding myself working out the "what am I going to do with myself in life" step much sooner than my upperclassmen and that I need to go into lab BOTH DAYS AGAIN I got myself cake. To celebrate, you see. It's the Pepperidge one from the freezer and it's got chocolate on it and I finally got around to loading the photos I took from that walk a couple weeks ago and no those two thoughts are not really related. I don't plan to upload the photos to the internet, since most of them are of private residence and I'm using them as references for designs only. My predilection for wrought-iron things is clearly apparent, especially when coupled with glass and climbing ivy, though I appear to be quite fond of ceramic tiles as well. I also apparently took a slightly out of focus photo of that ridiculous peach-colored house I saw, with the rococo molding and the most pretentious topiaries I've ever seen. It would not have been out of place as a small art gallery / museum.
Have a slight headache now. I'm trying out things that can put me to sleep even when the neighbors are loud or when I'm stuck on a plane for over ten hours next to complete strangers. Benadryl appears to only work if coupled with Zyrtec. Given how well the cold med the past winter took me out, it's possible that Benadryl might work well on its own as well if I coupled it with a small amount of alcohol. However, I'm unwilling to buy a entire container of alcohol for the two tablespoons I'll need for this experiment, so that won't do. Zyrtec by itself doesn't work. Tylenol doesn't work. I don't want to deal with solely alcohol for various reasons, but I might look into what CVS offers in terms of melatonin-type things and see how that goes.
Cake!
20110508
They'll get designated numbers, or possibly colors
Scribbling on tablet is in order as that the weather is moving straight into the June-ish type of overcast weather. And also, lessons yesterday involved flipping people over the shoulder so I'm a bit sore still. Instead I have spent the morning grocery shopping and then scrubbing things with the music on. It is therapeutic.
The vegetable & barley soup is, even counting the cream of mushroom thing we had at our program retreat a few years ago, the most boring soup I've ever tasted. I think I'm done with soups for now, both because I've gone through main types and everything else just looks like variations of what I've already tried ("just add chicken" seemed a popular theme), and also because of the salt content. Canned soups have far too much salt. I need a break before my kidneys shut down in protest.
Have brought an artichoke. Have googled how to eat it. (Not very intuitive first because of the thorns and cuticle and I want to make a joke about palisade mesenchyme but will restrain myself.) I feel like I should crack open my plant dissection kit but the steak knife will have to do. The benefits of being a "grown up" means that, at least, no one will tell me not to play with my food.
The manuals are so boring. So. Boring.. I hope I highlighted the right parts as that half way through the pages I've stopped retaining the information and have started pondering the questions of recycling instead (it's more interesting, too).
Oh and the sudden heat wave the past week disagreed with my tape so a bunch of stuff that I decorated the walls with came crashing down at various points (the one that decided to come down in the middle of the night took years off of my life) and I'm too lazy to put them back up so they mostly ended up in the tube, with my neurosci poster. This, complete with the fact that I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time the past few months wiping dust off of things, has gradually led my place back toward a more minimalist (if you can call "cluttered with wires and papers on every surface" minimalist) style of decor. I understand why display cases are invented now. I will some day invest in one, though it is somewhat lower on the priority list than "books" and "shelves for the books".
Oh look, tea!
The vegetable & barley soup is, even counting the cream of mushroom thing we had at our program retreat a few years ago, the most boring soup I've ever tasted. I think I'm done with soups for now, both because I've gone through main types and everything else just looks like variations of what I've already tried ("just add chicken" seemed a popular theme), and also because of the salt content. Canned soups have far too much salt. I need a break before my kidneys shut down in protest.
Have brought an artichoke. Have googled how to eat it. (Not very intuitive first because of the thorns and cuticle and I want to make a joke about palisade mesenchyme but will restrain myself.) I feel like I should crack open my plant dissection kit but the steak knife will have to do. The benefits of being a "grown up" means that, at least, no one will tell me not to play with my food.
The manuals are so boring. So. Boring.. I hope I highlighted the right parts as that half way through the pages I've stopped retaining the information and have started pondering the questions of recycling instead (it's more interesting, too).
Oh and the sudden heat wave the past week disagreed with my tape so a bunch of stuff that I decorated the walls with came crashing down at various points (the one that decided to come down in the middle of the night took years off of my life) and I'm too lazy to put them back up so they mostly ended up in the tube, with my neurosci poster. This, complete with the fact that I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time the past few months wiping dust off of things, has gradually led my place back toward a more minimalist (if you can call "cluttered with wires and papers on every surface" minimalist) style of decor. I understand why display cases are invented now. I will some day invest in one, though it is somewhat lower on the priority list than "books" and "shelves for the books".
Oh look, tea!
20110507
Flying requires crash mats
Okay so now might be a good time to update.
New laptop came in! It was very exciting and shiny as promised and I named it Kerral (one day I may run out of fictional characters to name computers after, but this will not be the year). Windows 7 is...well part of it is very nice and steam-lined, after my brief encounter with the wreckage that is Vista. Part of it is "omg so many unnecessary frills may it stop plz and yes, I spent most of the past few days in between my experiments turning off things and uninstalling things (all those "trial" and "starter" versions of software are very annoying, and clutter up the harddrive like you wouldn't believe). Windows 7 no longer supports the installation disc for my HP2210 xi printer/scanner/fax machine, but it does do the very linux thing of allowing you to pick and choose software / download needed drivers directly from sites so you don't need an additional interface software, which is very nice, in my opinion. Have got both scanner and tablet working now. Given this is my only working computer I've also installed both Firefox, Mufin Player, and Chrome (Firefox for work, Chrome for play and because I want to try it out, given how many of my professors, friends, and classmates have switched over, and it did not disappoint). The trial-Photoshop-Element was annoying, as was the trial-Office7. I'm running GIMP, Open Canvas, and Libre Office (Open Office after it got forked, yes) and depending on how Adobe is doing, I may either keep the Acrobat or switch to Jarnal. Have discovered the already installed (and free) version of Evernotes though, and am a little bit in love. It allows me to keep my daily lab notes (not the formal notes that the PI gets a copy of, but the daily scribbles of when I started an incubation and when it came out and such) in type (always neater and FASTER than scribbling), tag each notes like they blog posts (I've developed a system for tagging by the type of experiment), and lets me attach gel images, pdfs, and emails and screenshots (for the comp bio portion of my project, see) directly into each note. Which I have now organized into two different "notebooks". The only limitation so far is the size of the notes (they have online server to sync notebooks across computers) which is tallied in a monthly quota (so far I think it's within my range), and certain limitation in types of file that you can attach (I think I tried to attach an OpenOffice spreadsheet the other day and that didn't go), both of which are only increased/enabled if you get the premium account (of course). If there are other problems so far I have not encountered them.
Tally of info lost during Zen's crash is limited to the multimedia files Lucy gave me the last time she visited and anything else I downloaded between then and the crash. A few photos from my cellphone (but the bulk of the photos are in facebook so I suppose were I to feel particularly inspired --or bored -- one day I can re-download them), and a handful of both digital and scanned pencil sketches and I was working on. The last is the most devastating to me because lineart guys, it is painful. I don't want to do it again but at least I have my music and a shiny new laptop so on the whole life is still good.
Except for the fact that I need to go through over 100pages of scholarship app instruction "booklet" this weekend (why is it so long? I mean, seriously, why?) as well as try to figure out the newest part of the program for my comp bio that I can now finally run, which also came with a hefty (though somewhat shorter and definitely less dull) instruction manual. I will have about two hours of time tomorrow and am torn between spending it walking or scribbling furiously on my tablet. It will definitely need to be one of the two though, if only so I can keep going until the Greece trip without burning myself out before then.
Also, I'm getting fedex'ed crab cDNA next week, my mice are crazy, and I am possibly improperly curious about which is more flammable -- almond extract of rum-extract. (Can people really taste the rum-extract in cake? Does it make that much of a difference? What does liquor even do in terms of baking? It's like...okay...juice = weak acid, baking soda = weak base, and acid + base = water + salt + heat and then you add alcohol which is flammable and baking powder which can explode and then...I should go read my manuals now).
New laptop came in! It was very exciting and shiny as promised and I named it Kerral (one day I may run out of fictional characters to name computers after, but this will not be the year). Windows 7 is...well part of it is very nice and steam-lined, after my brief encounter with the wreckage that is Vista. Part of it is "omg so many unnecessary frills may it stop plz and yes, I spent most of the past few days in between my experiments turning off things and uninstalling things (all those "trial" and "starter" versions of software are very annoying, and clutter up the harddrive like you wouldn't believe). Windows 7 no longer supports the installation disc for my HP2210 xi printer/scanner/fax machine, but it does do the very linux thing of allowing you to pick and choose software / download needed drivers directly from sites so you don't need an additional interface software, which is very nice, in my opinion. Have got both scanner and tablet working now. Given this is my only working computer I've also installed both Firefox, Mufin Player, and Chrome (Firefox for work, Chrome for play and because I want to try it out, given how many of my professors, friends, and classmates have switched over, and it did not disappoint). The trial-Photoshop-Element was annoying, as was the trial-Office7. I'm running GIMP, Open Canvas, and Libre Office (Open Office after it got forked, yes) and depending on how Adobe is doing, I may either keep the Acrobat or switch to Jarnal. Have discovered the already installed (and free) version of Evernotes though, and am a little bit in love. It allows me to keep my daily lab notes (not the formal notes that the PI gets a copy of, but the daily scribbles of when I started an incubation and when it came out and such) in type (always neater and FASTER than scribbling), tag each notes like they blog posts (I've developed a system for tagging by the type of experiment), and lets me attach gel images, pdfs, and emails and screenshots (for the comp bio portion of my project, see) directly into each note. Which I have now organized into two different "notebooks". The only limitation so far is the size of the notes (they have online server to sync notebooks across computers) which is tallied in a monthly quota (so far I think it's within my range), and certain limitation in types of file that you can attach (I think I tried to attach an OpenOffice spreadsheet the other day and that didn't go), both of which are only increased/enabled if you get the premium account (of course). If there are other problems so far I have not encountered them.
Tally of info lost during Zen's crash is limited to the multimedia files Lucy gave me the last time she visited and anything else I downloaded between then and the crash. A few photos from my cellphone (but the bulk of the photos are in facebook so I suppose were I to feel particularly inspired --or bored -- one day I can re-download them), and a handful of both digital and scanned pencil sketches and I was working on. The last is the most devastating to me because lineart guys, it is painful. I don't want to do it again but at least I have my music and a shiny new laptop so on the whole life is still good.
Except for the fact that I need to go through over 100pages of scholarship app instruction "booklet" this weekend (why is it so long? I mean, seriously, why?) as well as try to figure out the newest part of the program for my comp bio that I can now finally run, which also came with a hefty (though somewhat shorter and definitely less dull) instruction manual. I will have about two hours of time tomorrow and am torn between spending it walking or scribbling furiously on my tablet. It will definitely need to be one of the two though, if only so I can keep going until the Greece trip without burning myself out before then.
Also, I'm getting fedex'ed crab cDNA next week, my mice are crazy, and I am possibly improperly curious about which is more flammable -- almond extract of rum-extract. (Can people really taste the rum-extract in cake? Does it make that much of a difference? What does liquor even do in terms of baking? It's like...okay...juice = weak acid, baking soda = weak base, and acid + base = water + salt + heat and then you add alcohol which is flammable and baking powder which can explode and then...I should go read my manuals now).
20110501
It's Maaay
Went into lab both days this weekends (heh, again, yes) and was sharply reminded today of the inconvenience of working in lab on the weekend when there's no one else there: when you run out of snap-top tubes there's no one around to ask if they have a personal stash somewhere I can borrow until the new shipment comes in. Oh dear. With luck I'll get something useful with the ones that I did do though now I'll require a success rate of 33% as opposed to 20% and the T4 DNA ligase hates me. Yes it does.
Food adventure continues! I took some photos with my cellphone but will not upload them until my new comp comes in. (Had to clear Daemon AGAIN today because the new version of Ubuntu came out and I foolishly chose to upgrade it before reading all the fine prints and crashed the OS irreversibly.) I was feeling quite reckless (or possibly apathetic at that point, it's getting hard to tell) while grocery shopping and so got a cherimoya. It is bizarre and to me tastes like a cross between mango, banana, and persimmon (mostly mango though). It's also not entirely ripe and so I will endeavor to leave it at room temp and hope mold doesn't get to it before it ripens. Or maybe I can shut it in a tupperware with an apple. The tiny fuji apples that I like are gone and so I have instead what claims to be "jazz apples". It sadly does not play Benny Goodman. But did originate in New Zealand, apparently.
Soup: have discovered that orzo is apparently a type of pasta. Which I initially mistook for some kind of melon seeds (my floristics professor would be so ashamed...but in my defense I was looking at it through murky depth of soup). Chicken-orzo soup, oddly enough, tastes exactly like the turkey-artichoke sandwich I had last Monday, despite of the fact that a) it contains no turkey and b) it is not a sandwich. Must be the artichoke then -- there was a lot of it. And some green leafy thing that I correctly identified as spinach (I managed to refrain from looking at the ingredients until after I ate the soup and vaguely feels like I deserve a medal for that). Pretty good though, for all its oddness.
Had a disagreement with parents about whether or not I should navigate public transportation in downtown at 10pm. I flatly refused to have them drive down here just to pick me up from the airport (it's ridiculous, what are they thinking?) and am currently considering taxi (oy) as an absolute last resort if I cannot persuade parents to back off. For the large parts I think we are on good terms with regards for their over-protective tendencies (see: Greece), then occasionally something like this would come up and oh, parents, you mean well, I know you do, but &c. We know how that song and dance goes.
Whoa weekend's over and I still need to vacuum.
Food adventure continues! I took some photos with my cellphone but will not upload them until my new comp comes in. (Had to clear Daemon AGAIN today because the new version of Ubuntu came out and I foolishly chose to upgrade it before reading all the fine prints and crashed the OS irreversibly.) I was feeling quite reckless (or possibly apathetic at that point, it's getting hard to tell) while grocery shopping and so got a cherimoya. It is bizarre and to me tastes like a cross between mango, banana, and persimmon (mostly mango though). It's also not entirely ripe and so I will endeavor to leave it at room temp and hope mold doesn't get to it before it ripens. Or maybe I can shut it in a tupperware with an apple. The tiny fuji apples that I like are gone and so I have instead what claims to be "jazz apples". It sadly does not play Benny Goodman. But did originate in New Zealand, apparently.
Soup: have discovered that orzo is apparently a type of pasta. Which I initially mistook for some kind of melon seeds (my floristics professor would be so ashamed...but in my defense I was looking at it through murky depth of soup). Chicken-orzo soup, oddly enough, tastes exactly like the turkey-artichoke sandwich I had last Monday, despite of the fact that a) it contains no turkey and b) it is not a sandwich. Must be the artichoke then -- there was a lot of it. And some green leafy thing that I correctly identified as spinach (I managed to refrain from looking at the ingredients until after I ate the soup and vaguely feels like I deserve a medal for that). Pretty good though, for all its oddness.
Had a disagreement with parents about whether or not I should navigate public transportation in downtown at 10pm. I flatly refused to have them drive down here just to pick me up from the airport (it's ridiculous, what are they thinking?) and am currently considering taxi (oy) as an absolute last resort if I cannot persuade parents to back off. For the large parts I think we are on good terms with regards for their over-protective tendencies (see: Greece), then occasionally something like this would come up and oh, parents, you mean well, I know you do, but &c. We know how that song and dance goes.
Whoa weekend's over and I still need to vacuum.
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