Outed myself as ace to another friend today and her comment is that maybe I'll "feel differently" when I'm no longer working so many hours a week (there were other comments as well).  For which I tried to explain to her why I find that kind of talk is a bit not good (sexual orientation is not a result of life style nor -- the more troublesome implication -- something that could be "cured" if you changed your life style) and she said by the way of excuse that she's never heard of "asexuality" before today.

And then we moved on to other topics and I discovered that her opinion on the restaurant calling customers "fat girls" incident (x) and she announced that she considers both sides to blame, meaning that the bartender should not have done what he did but the girls shouldn't have made such a fuss about it because they really are overweight. Because she considers obesity to be a fault of the individual, as a marker for...I don't know, lack of self control? Will to exercise? And so I spent some time explaining why THAT is a bit not good.

...and I ...don't want to lecture my friends and I try so very hard not to come across as a snobbish know-it-all, but when someone makes comments like that not out of ignorance but because they didn't have all the information, I can't help but want to provide the information because I really do believe that they wouldn't have the same opinion if only they knew better. And isn't that presumptuous of me? Who am I to assign myself the role of the educator? To designate what the "better" of knowing better? I have the right to speak up on asexuality because I am ace but should I refrain from commenting on the wrongness people making judgmental remarks on people who don't fit the "skinny" expectations of the society because I am, myself, "skinny" and therefore don't have first person experience of the discrimination, save for the brief period in 5th-6th grade when I was chubby? Should I not speak up for trans discrimination because I am cis? I don't think so. There's really no conflict-free way of making a stance, and the best way I can think of to handle this is to point out what I think is wrong, do my best to explain why that is and engage an active discussion about it, and always defer to the people who have first hand experience of the topic. I really can't think of a better way to handle it than that.

Also I'll admit that I'm still smarting a little from her variation of "it's just a phrase / it's not real" comment on asexuality, not because I don't encounter it often, but because she's my friend and I honestly didn't expect her to make that kind of comment. I don't think I am being too judgmental or holding my friends to too high a standard when I expect them to acknowledge what I am telling them first instead of having an initial response, almost reflexively, to deny. Though I suppose I should give her credit for honesty, the fact that she had zero ill intent, and definitely zero clue that she had just spent a few minutes trying to invalid my experiences.

It was all very civil. We had hot chocolate and our time together ended on amicable terms, so it definitely could've been worse.