This week I made the PI so frustrated he threw a pencil. Not at me, but nevertheless. The worst part is that the feeling is mutual but I've been drilled from a young age about propriety and to not make a scene and show respect and what have you, and so I can't throw something too. My self control won't let me.

In other news my parents are apparently dealing with a squirrel problem this week, my main experiment is still not working, and it may be time to murder someone else in my story.

The first time I sent my dissertation to my PI he told me he didn't really read it because it was too short (and I had uncharitable thoughts about the cause behind the academia being too full of people who love the sound of their own voices too much). The second time I sent my dissertation, having now written a lot more speculations and peripherally related information than I am strictly comfortable with I got back nothing and...nothing. Finally I ran out of patience and asked him if he's read it yet. He said no, very matter of fact, and informed me that he would not read it until I finish my experiments. I pointed out to him that my defense date is scheduled for August. He smiled at me and told me I "better get cracking".

Also blogger for reasons unexplained put the old Lunatics blog on top first and I was out of it enough last week that I didn't check which blog my post went to so now I had to go back and delete last week's post and transfer this week's post into this blog that is actually being updated.

Currently: disagreeing with PI on experimental protocol, on data interpretation, on dissertation, on manuscript, and on presentation. Had a minor melt down and contemplated the fact that although I like it when people tell me "you're going to be fine", being told to "relax" actually makes me more and more tense because my mind heads into "yes I know I'm supposed to relax and I am trying to relax but I also know that I'm not but I'm trying why am I not relaxing I'm supposed to relax asdf still not relaxing WHY I NEED TO RELAX alsdhjgoweebngo I'M EVEN MORE TENSE NOW BREATHE" and then, you know, melt down.

Also my shoulder hurts because being on the computer all the time combined with drawing on tablet combined with loading a bunch of experiment plates that have 96 wells that are about 5mm across without touching more than one side of the wells without passing my hand, wrist, or arm over the plate, combined with drills with a wooden practice sword is apparently the limit. There is spasming. I resent it immensely and am reduced to whining on the internet and consoling myself with tea and ice cream.