"Well," (or something close to that) I said to the cats, "Let the adventure begin."
And since I do have the benefit of a laptop, I opened a notepad document and started jotting down progress reports as I went along in the format of, yes, journals usually kept by famous adventurers. (Except mine's dated with time and not date...I'd be REALLY worried if it took me weeks to clean out the kitchen.) The entries went a little something like this:
(No, there's going to be nothing in this entry besides description of kitchen cleaning, and it's going to be quite long so if you'd like, feel free to return at another time.)
4:25 Fri. Jul. 6th, 2007; Temperature: warm
Discovered LOTS of neglected napkin in the back of the tall cabinet (I got a chair) far away from where we now store napkins.
4:27
We have more sandwich ziploc bags? Why didn't someone tell me we had more ziploc bags?
4:30
Scary amount of crackers. Truly scary. Including an opened box that expired on Dec. 10, 06. Threw away a leftover bag of chips that's been around since at least September last year.
4:33
Found a small jar of strawberry jam! Annie's Tower of Cup of Noodles have tumbled in the back. Am now attempting intense architectural efforts to reconstruct it in a space-efficient manner.
4:35
Harvested a handful of bow-tie noodles. What the hell?
4:36
Kate's box of whole wheat spaghetti LEAKS! I am attacked by pasta on all sides.
4:41
Pasta is under control. Found a random stick of salami behind the canned clam chowder though.
4:45
I'd like to take a moment to offer Annie dubious congratulations: a can of the chicken that smells like fish has survived. I'm leaving it with the rest of the canned goods on the forth shelf from the top. Your chicken, your decision.
Alright, left shelf's done: The ketchup and jams and random stuff goes on top, then comes the crackers and chips and other breakfast-type stuff, which makes more sense because you don't cook them before you eat them, so they should be located above other food. Then we have the pasta shelf, followed by the canned things shelf, followed by the Ramen and Rice bottom shelf save for the box of instant oatmeal which I used to prop the Ramen box up so I can close the cabinet door.
Onwards and upwards!
4:51
There is a large blue basin in the cabinet on top of the fridge. I do not know why it's there, nor will I attempt to move it. We also apparently have waffle cones, but no ice cream. Note: get ice cream. Also note: top of fridge needs dusting.
4:54
Empty chocolate container and crumpled coffee filters wedged into the corner of the cabinet above stove. We have lots of cups with lid, which we've never used before and probably never will. I wonder why we have them?
Ew, the cabinet door there is all grimy.
Switched CDs, went from Leahy to Vivaldi. Cats are puzzled, but then, they have been all day. Strange kitties.
4:57
Found crushed breakfast Quaker bar, strawberry flavored. I wonder what age it's dated from? (Carbs/carbon-dating jokes are very tempting, but I shall refrain from making them.)
4:58
Kate needs to stop putting the plant seeds with the spices (yes she'd done it when she cleaned the kitchen last time), the seeds're not edible. Someone might get confused. Actually I should just stick it in my room somewhere from now on. Leave seeds in a jam jar near the kitchen is obviously not the brightest idea I've ever had.
5:02
Yet another cup with lid. Do they BREED in the back of the cabinets?
5:10
Tupperware arrangement is a study in advanced geometry and physics.
5:14
Stacked extra tupperware. Located a container named "Smart Balance" proclaiming "real butter taste" and "patented blend to help improve cholesterol". It's labeled with AL, so it's Annie's. It also says 1 LB on the side, I have no idea what for. Also found the tupperware that looks like mold's eaten away the plastic from inside, from when Kate used it to seal away the ...I think it was smoked salmon that eventually went bad. She hasn't used it since and it looks quite disgusting. I'm petitioning to throw it away. Also will need to inquire about the mysterious AL container that advertises for something that's like, but not quite, butter.
5:19
Found old Halloween candy, which I stuck in the empty chocolate container and put in the fridge like I did with Annie's mint-mocha candies. Candy tends to melt in 40 degrees Celsius, no matter when they expire, and cleaning up melted candy is an experience I care not to repeat. The jack 'o lantern pail can go back though. It won't melt in the heat. Yet.
5:22
Ah yes, our many cheese graters. And Kate's mysterious Russian spices which I have no name for. And more candy. Into the fridge they go.
5:23
Organized our Tea Section. We have lots of tea of all kinds. Found Kate's raisin & nut thing on its side, LEAKING. Flipped it right side up and stuck it in the fridge, bag and all. Will email for advise in dealing with it. Also found a neglected pack of mysterious Russian spice (Prilraba? Something that looks like "dlya grilya" - I don't know my Russian alphabets anymore. Sad) wedged between cabinets. It's open and might have spilled some who-knows-when. Will place it in one of the newly found ziploc bags.
5:35
There! Done with another cabinet series. Things are still mostly where they are here, save for the cup with lids, which I've localized to the top shelf on the left (maybe not such a good idea, given what I know of animal population and behavior), the tea to the bottom shelf on the right, and all candies to the fridge. (We have holiday-shaped cookie cutters around. Too bad I'm the only one around who bakes cookies and I don't use cookie cutters.)(I like knifes. Okay that sounds weird, but you know what I mean.)
Continuing to the last above-counter cabinet.
5:50
Just cooking implements by themselves are so much simpler. I'm done and my laptop's running out of juice so I'll go and let it recharge as well as take a break before continuing with our wonderful, exciting tale of kitchen exploration.
5:55
Okay here we are.
Hmm...place mat needs washing, along with the oven mitt, which looks like something's been burnt ONTO it (which may actually be the case, considering, but who knows). The garlic cabinet's pretty much empty...
...continuing on.
My laptop's now in my room, being charged, so I'll wander back to type every time I'm done with a section to report the unfolding events.
6:03
Didn't do much with the measuring cup & salad tosser drawer, but did clean out the cabinet underneath it. There was a potato growing, which I'll transplant into the dirt sometime in the near future but is now sitting on the floor. There was a bag of onion which grew AND THEN ROTTED and the smell is just disgusting. Dumped the entire thing and went hunting desperately in the cabinet under the sink for the deodorizing spray, couldn't find it (windex? no, bathroom cleaner? no, orange scented...furniture polish? no. com'on com'on...) eventually have to settle for Annie's disinfecting spray which I pulled out of the cabinet beneath the sink in our bathroom. It will have to do. The rotting onion juice stained and -
-oh God, this is just so, so nasty. Am airing out the house now, heat or no.
6:14
Finished all cabinets!
There was a bewildering array of cleaners underneath the sink in the kitchen, mostly (bewildering, that is) because they're all practically the same thing and so why on earth do they come in so many different colors? Stuffed extra cellophane bags in extra bags so it's neater and found two carpet stain removers that supposedly works on old stains (score! There's a spot under my desk that one of the cats have gotten to that is still faintly stained, despite of my scrubbing, so I'll give this a shot tomorrow). All the pots and utensils are basically untouched. I have a feeling that if I did try to move them no one would know where anything is anymore. Pots are the grounding point in a kitchen.
The fridge I've already cleaned out in a very gradual process over the past week, so all that I've left for tomorrow's the dusting and the scrubbing.
I feel accomplished. I'm going to throw out the trash, take a shower, and have dinner. In that order.
And so this morning after I got the groceries for next week I went and scrubbed out the kitchen. To get rid of the remaining traces of rotting onion from air I burnt an entire stick of incense instead of part of the stick, as I originally planned. Now the kitchen spells like...I think it's orange and spices. There are enough bread crumbs in the toaster to keep an ant farm happy for an indefinite, but definitely long, period of time. There is also a large mysterious brown stain on the bottom of the fridge which took a lot of scrubbing because it dried on sometime long ago. It looked like it might have been cocoa at one point, but at this time it's hard to tell. I've only the floor left to do and I feel very productive, which meant I took a break and had some fresh lemonade (made yesterday) to celebrate. And an apricot. People are right, the summer fruits from Farmer's Market here is spectacular, especially the fruits that go through what botanists generally call "climatic ripening." You can tell the fruits were allowed to ripen on the trees because you can taste that much more sugar. Oh yes, Farmer's Market as usual. There doesn't seem to be much change since I usually go there at a time when most students are still in bed anyway (crowd composition the same for me all year round then, I guess). Well, the flowers changed - sweet pea season's over and now we get gladiolas, cornflower, and lots of daisies. Also berrying season's about now so the booths around the guy who sells homemade apple cider are full of berries. Music lately featured guys with guitars singing about true love. The depressing thing is, I think one or two of them actually believed the words they were singing.
And now back to the kitchen!
P.S. Got email back from Kate. Apparently I'm allowed to do whatever I wanted with the tupperware so long as I stop spelling them "tuberware" as I've been doing previously. That...kind of sums up the extend of Kate's year of attempt at teaching me proper English.
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