PI still not reading dissertation. Am being pushed even more because we have a competitor but he refuses to consider anything except proof of that particular protein interaction. Because I do have a sense of self-preservation, I refrained from pointing out that this is science and we can't really PROVE anything, only fail to disprove it. I did point out that protein interactions change depending on the pH, the time of day, the salt concentration, the detergent concentration, the cell type, the way the samples are prepared, to which he replied that he knows and it ends, as it tends to end these days, with the two of us staring at each other for a long moment before he tells me "Get it done." and leaving.

It'd be more tolerable if there's less follow up of the "why isn't it done yet. I wanted it done YESTERDAY. I wanted it done TEN YEARS AGO" variety. (I wish I was joking. He literally said the ten years ago thing to which I replied that THAT is a bit beyond my powers. My sense of self-preservation is not perfect.) Then there's the thinly veiled hint that perhaps I should be working harder and I am experiencing guilt at taking the time to practice some kind of self-care.

Basically I'm not sure if I can even meet my August deadline and have spend my hours not working convincing myself that I don't care, because it's the only way I can deal with it. That and murdering fictional people.

Also between stress-induced insomnia and Independence Day (my neighborhood is close to the beach and noisy until well-past midnight) and lab stuff (had to go in yesterday) am very tired.

This week I made the PI so frustrated he threw a pencil. Not at me, but nevertheless. The worst part is that the feeling is mutual but I've been drilled from a young age about propriety and to not make a scene and show respect and what have you, and so I can't throw something too. My self control won't let me.

In other news my parents are apparently dealing with a squirrel problem this week, my main experiment is still not working, and it may be time to murder someone else in my story.

The first time I sent my dissertation to my PI he told me he didn't really read it because it was too short (and I had uncharitable thoughts about the cause behind the academia being too full of people who love the sound of their own voices too much). The second time I sent my dissertation, having now written a lot more speculations and peripherally related information than I am strictly comfortable with I got back nothing and...nothing. Finally I ran out of patience and asked him if he's read it yet. He said no, very matter of fact, and informed me that he would not read it until I finish my experiments. I pointed out to him that my defense date is scheduled for August. He smiled at me and told me I "better get cracking".

Also blogger for reasons unexplained put the old Lunatics blog on top first and I was out of it enough last week that I didn't check which blog my post went to so now I had to go back and delete last week's post and transfer this week's post into this blog that is actually being updated.

Currently: disagreeing with PI on experimental protocol, on data interpretation, on dissertation, on manuscript, and on presentation. Had a minor melt down and contemplated the fact that although I like it when people tell me "you're going to be fine", being told to "relax" actually makes me more and more tense because my mind heads into "yes I know I'm supposed to relax and I am trying to relax but I also know that I'm not but I'm trying why am I not relaxing I'm supposed to relax asdf still not relaxing WHY I NEED TO RELAX alsdhjgoweebngo I'M EVEN MORE TENSE NOW BREATHE" and then, you know, melt down.

Also my shoulder hurts because being on the computer all the time combined with drawing on tablet combined with loading a bunch of experiment plates that have 96 wells that are about 5mm across without touching more than one side of the wells without passing my hand, wrist, or arm over the plate, combined with drills with a wooden practice sword is apparently the limit. There is spasming. I resent it immensely and am reduced to whining on the internet and consoling myself with tea and ice cream.

Still tired, still hanging in there. The dojo instructor's tapped me as being ready to mentor someone (sort of one-on-one tutoring to get someone ready for the exams) so there's now a bit of internal flailing about that as well. I spend a truly disconcerting amount of time feeling under-prepared for everything these days. It's possible I just need to relax and go with it. Though that's kind of anathema to my nature.

PI still operating on the "I want everything done, yesterday" notion, while the collaborators and I side-eye him because we are not sure if he's aware that he's spent 3 hours talking about additional experiments to do in the 10 days left of May and  that, in research, things...usually don't work on the first try.

Other than that, still hanging in there. Parents are coming to visit today, which will be some combination of awesome and exhausting and right now means I need to clean up the worst of the mess before they get here. Also: CA voting -- who on EARTH in Gary Wesley?? I tried to google that name briefly but it turns out it's a fairly common name and I'm...just confused how there's no proper opposition to props this time around.

This week the second heat wave peaked and at one point I was told there were 9 places on fire in the north part of our county, but thankfully it was still pretty far north that we didn't have to deal with evacuation. Thursday ended up being so hot that I, being in a top floor apartment without AC, took to sleeping on the floor with both windows open because the bed (and my clothes, and my bag, and anything that is any good at all at retaining heat) was still radiating heat. The weather's going to be dropping around 30F within the next few days, which is the good news. The bad news is the cycle of temperature and being closeted indoors against the heat means that nearly half of our lab building (or so it sounds like) is sick. The tech in our lab came down the day after I returned to work.

Even worse news this week is that I got partially scooped. For those not in the academia, being "scooped" is sort of like the journalism version -- someone reported what you were about to report before you did. The paper came out in NEURON, which is reassuring in a way since it meant that we were not completely off of our heads when we aimed for NEURON as the place to publish my work. I couldn't help but think that if I had managed to convince my PI to submit my work back in January, as I'd originally proposed, my paper and that paper might've came out back-to-back and I'd be DONE by now ---but trying to win an argument against my PI is.... Well no one in lab has managed to date, including the golden boy a few years back, even though the PI admitted after HIS paper was scooped that the students was right. (Basically it's impossible to convince him he's wrong unless you can prove it, which in this case is too late for me.) Mostly it means that I can't publish my work as it is right now and has to add MORE stuff, which my PI wants done (yesterday but even he can acknowledge that's not going to happen) by the end of May. Though it took him an hour to cover all the things he wants done and we're half way through May already, so I'm not sure his plan is entirely plausible either.

In conclusion: it can get worse. PI's still pushing for more data, all the data, done yesterday to the point where this week I flat out told him that I'm ALREADY doing my best. Because I don't think I can spend any more hours on this without completely destroying my mental and physical health and no, just NO. It's not worth it.

Huh

Just ran into apartment manager-type person (who replaced our landlady) regarding the sink issue (the one I mentioned in April) as I was staggering back in with fresh laundry and groceries. She THINKS, after inspection, that she might be able to get someone here to fix it by next week, and that she can't find my phone number (it's the same number I've been using for the past few years) but I think the sink might finally get fixed. Which means one fewer item to quietly simmer in irritation in the back of my mind, which brings to the obvious-in-hindsight realization that all my stress this past year hasn't been --no that's inaccurate. It's more accurate to say that the majority of my stress is actually from things being out of my control. I mean the work load is intense, but if I take into account the hours I put into studying / working in lab / classes during the last year I had as an undergrad, my hours is only worse because it takes me 2hrs to commute each day and also I do martial arts 4hrs a week. I have experienced nothing this past year that's more harmful than anything I've survived before and I really do think a lot of stress is born out of frustration at being told all the things I can't do -- be given all the thousand and one wrong answers while told there's no one right answer. I'm told directly and indirectly that so much of what happens to me is out of my control -- and even that sentence -- "what happens to me" instead of "what I do next" is a reflex resulting from some kind of passive brain washing. It's a kind of learned helplessness.

Well screw that.

The economy is awful and there's no funding for basic research and I am female and Asian and not-straight and currently getting over a flu. I cannot change any of these things. Some of them, however, will pass on their own, and I am well-read, intelligent, and even more stubborn than I am smart. I am about to graduate from a top-tier program in one of the top countries for research and I will find a way to get what I want out of life, even if it's not via the most direct route.

There is, as "they" have said, no one right answer, after all.

Ugh

Came down with the flu on Thursday (to be accurate I started feeling off Wednesday evening but at first I thought it was just exhaustion or something and I could just sleep it off...but then it kept getting WORSE since Thursday morning) and had to sort of pause three different experiments so I can go home and be feverish and nauseated with saltines and Nyquil. Fever broke on Friday though and I graduated to jello, and then when that stayed down, soup. Had to drag my exhausted self to store for more saltine though and nearly had a melt-down out of exhaustion when I couldn't find them (seriously WHY do stores insist on switching things around?). Still a bit sniffly and slight coughing today despite of being dosed with the cough-suppressant version of Nyquil and Dayquil (am experience enough to know that when I get sick there's over 75% chance I'll end up hacking for months unless I do something early on about it) but otherwise functional, so am going to go and be an functional adult with chores and stuff (and move back to my normal diet! Exciting!) so I can go into lab tomorrow and start catching up on experiments, which will be stressful on so many levels that I'm actually trying not to think about it too much because, well, I've had enough nausea for this month, thanks.

Just checked the weather and realized that after bouncing from 90F to 60F the past week we're heading for 88F on Monday. And then it starts to drop again but I'm not sure how FAR it will drop so ...am just going to hold on to my thicker jackets for now and eat a lot of oranges.

Had to email my committee to push back my defense date today (not sure if it's approved yet or not) because despite of my best effort I haven't submitted my manuscript yet. I feel a little ashamed because there're a bunch of people cheering me on and telling me "you can do it!" and now I feel like I've let them down. I'm also upset because I hate it when I can't meet my own deadline, even when it's for reasons beyond my control because I usually have enough backup plans that even when things get a bit out of control it still gets done, and so the rare instances when it doesn't come through feels even worse.

On one hand, I really am not ready to face down my committee at the original deadline. On the other hand I just asked to drag this out for another two months (at least) and I feel a lot like I'm failing at life.

Let's not do that ever again

For lo and behold I have finished my hellish two weeks and I am still here, with one tentative job offer (provided that I can secure funding for my project prior to joining the lab) and a blue belt. But really, LET US NEVER DO THAT AGAIN because the whole 6 hour+ interview then fly back for a full work day + 2hour of martial arts combination is awful and I doubt I have the stamina to last another week. (I might need to work on stamina, but I am considering this the idle way that I contemplate about working on my pain tolerance -- yes it would be useful, but do I REALLY want to go through the experience?)

So the question regarding whether or not I will get used to the hours of talking required of a job interview has now been answered, and the answer is a resounding "no".

ONE MORE WEEK!

My schedule for the next two week is as follows:

Fly out tomorrow for job interview Monday, fly back Monday evening.
Fly out next Sunday for job interview Monday, fly back Monday evening.
Train 4 hours of aikido per week in preparation for the test the Saturday after that.

In between this I am running experiments full-time, including two batches of behavior tests that I can't really shift around because the animals have to be that exact age. I am also supposed to have finished written my dissertation by next week except I'm afraid it won't happen. (I've written about 50-60 pages of a roughly 100 page monster and I haven't figured out how to get the formatting in yet, so the actual number of pages I have done is only an estimate.) I haven't figured out quite how to keep myself fed on a somewhat healthy diet when I barely have the time to buy food, much less cook, but I suspect a lot of sandwiches and maybe a thing with my slowcooker.

Also the drain-stopper thing in my bathroom broke last night and I haven't found a ride from the airport for my second interview yet (it doesn't get in until 10pm).

Ladies and gentlemen: my life.

Sent off the first part of my dissertation to be proofread by people who may or may not have time for it. It's a bit like that moment right after you stepped out of the room after finishing the calc AP test, except with more "omg I don't know what I'm doing" and existential angst.

In short, 0/10, would not recommend.

Was in a small car accident this morning. I'm fine. The car acquired a few scratches on the back bumper and the license plate got bent but suffers no other damage. My life is otherwise still operating on the default somewhere between tired and stressed.

There's a cold going around in lab lately -- the PI came down with it, the grad student next to me was out sick, and I have been paranoid about hand-washing and eating oranges (vitamin C) especially given that traveling and stress usually makes me more susceptible to viruses. This is not helped by the 20F temperature change in the area but -- well, there's nothing I can do about that. (Except complain about which clothes I should be packing away in the closet and which I should keep out.)

The PI that I interviewed with have not offered me a job interview, nor has she rejected my application. Instead she has said to keep in touch with her and to let her know when I'm done with all the interviews, which means that rather than crossing off one item on my to-do list that I can stop worrying about, I get to circle that item in red and draw "?????" next to it --- immensely frustrating, as you might imagine. Other than that I have nothing new to report. Still frustrated. Still stressed. I have in fact taken to describing my days to people on a scale of how tired I am because at the end of any given day I'm guaranteed to be some level of exhausted.

Possibly am drinking too much tea when left on my own. Going to limit self to no more than three-cup of caffeinated things on any given day.

Interview for a post-doctoral fellowship, I've concluded, is a lot like an oral exam where the only thing you know going in is what class it's for and what grade is considered passing.

The worse part of it is you step in knowing you have to take this same exam again and again and each time the focus will be different, the questions will be different and how the answers are scored will be different, and that according other post-docs the success rate right now for a passing grade is like ...33%.

The worst part of it is that, as an introvert, five hours of talking is way too much.

IDEK

This week I have hit the point where I re-wrote one sentence ten-times and then convinced myself I need to re-organize an entire section because it sounded incoherent, though at that point I actually had very little confidence in my ability to determine what is coherent.

Also the my mice gave me a litter of babies from a test cross that had weird phenotype, which was hair-pulling level of confusion since although it doesn't contradict any of my hypotheses, it doesn't exactly make sense, either. Actually I'm not sure how to interpret it and so spent some time staring blankly at the DNA sequence.

"This is what you have to look forward to," I told the other grad student, dully.

"I don't think I'm gonna look forward to it," he replied.

Skipped two days of drawing this week and ate a lot of ramen. Was making plans about eating healthier next week except I'm flying out Thursday night and Saturday morning and so that's at least two meals of powerbars on top of my utter inability to parse amount of groceries needed for the right amount of days any time the number of days change. Perhaps I will buy frozen meals. Or make a giant vat of soup that I can can freeze in aliquots and thaw out to pair with bread as needed.

Also today I accidentally hit a blackbelt in the face. She was thrilled about it.

On an unrelated note

I didn't have the time to type this up yesterday because this week's post required a bit more thought and will most likely be a bit longer as well.

Novel ways of injury

Unexpected injury during martial arts #2:

Foot accidentally gouged by someone else's toe nail. It broke skin and there's a bit of blood and everything.

Also note to self: be extra diligent in trimming nails on all four appendages from now on.

(In case anyone is wondering, #1 was the time where I somehow managed to sprain my toe.)

I need to stop shopping at 99 Ranch early in the morning. I've ran into too many Chinese PIs there, during that time, including the two from my committee. Also I wonder why people looked surprised to see me with groceries and ask me if I'm cooking for myself. I mean you could ask someone to pick up a few things for you at the store, sure, but for the comprehensive week's worth of food items I usually fill my cart with -- usually the person who cooks does that kind of shopping, don't they? Since they're the one who knows what they need and could change their planned recipe because...oh I don't know, the spinach looked iffy. Possibly I don't seem the time who can cook. To be fair I know a fair number of female classmates who can't.

I don't even know.

Didn't see repairman for incubator on Tuesday. Stepped into room one Wednesday to find alarm going off and CO2 level at zero (v. bad news). Felt like I went around crying about the incubator to everybody on Wednesday (seriously I just need this one thing to work out to get my manuscript done) as we tried to figure out whether the repairman actually came or  not and what's wrong with the incubator. Ended up needing to order a new CO2 tank, which came yesterday. Hopefully everything will equilibrate over the weekend and no fresh alarms will be going off on Monday and I can finally start that set of experiments. Again. Because troubleshooting is hell and this is a week long experiment. (Which yes, makes equipment failure that much more frustrating.)

Yvette likes knives. I wonder if people are keeping track of my internet history somewhere and if all people who attempt to write detective stories are marked somewhere as potential terrorists because of the sort of things we google.

I mentioned that I'm applying for a position at UCSF to someone and they said "Whoa, FANCY!" and then I suffered from what I think was an acute attack of insecurity.

It's the darnest thing.

A moment of blinding "holy f*** what the f*** was I thinking????" coupled with thought paralysis. And then it's gone, leaving behind a deeply bemused wonder at the apparently spontaneity of my brain. But this too, according to my classmates, is part of the ritual of graduation.

Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves? (Yes this is very very rhetorical.)

Current schedule has interview in March, martial arts exam in April (?!), public defense in May. Also, as of next Tuesday, all the cell incubators in our lab will be down and I will need to find a neighboring lab who has space for my cells temporarily.

I'm pretty sure I've said "fuck" more times within the past six months than the entirely of my life up to this point.

Also both of the books I finished recently are of the depressing / paranoia-inducing variety, but THAT, at least, I can do something about. I'm picking up Emma Thompson's SENSE AND SENSIBILITY DAIRIES and Dunnett's GAME OF KINGS from the local library today (have learned how the hold system works and figured out how to work around the delays) so that should be more fun.

I have also started drawing my next comic book / graphic novel this week and will be filing my taxes later today. Never a dull moment. Or something like that.

So new and fascinating source of stress:

Our lab had 2 incubators for cell lines. That's right: HAD. The CO2 regulator broke back in October, along with the fan in one of the incubators and taking out the other in the process, causing us to lose our cell lines. Due to the cost and the fact that this has been a really terrible year in terms of funding, we only fixed 1 of the 2 incubators -- meaning all of our current cells for experiments are in one incubator.

Yesterday the fan of our sole remaining incubator started making weird noises.

If I lose all my cells AGAIN this close to finishing my manuscript I may cry.

Hitting a snag in my experiments and everything is frustrating. (Well not literally everything, no matter how much it may feel like it at the time.) The January lab move date is shifted to either March or April, maybe. I'm not entirely sure what's going on with anything else.

On an unrelated note: happy Lunar New Year!

I can't think of a title so you get this instead

We got another campus police alert this week for sexual assault, which makes this the third police alert in two months (stabbing, stabbing, assault, in that order), which I find worrying. The campus I work at is fairly well known and has a good reputation and is surrounded on one side by villas of people who have way too much money and thinks sculpted topiaries and rococo moldings are a thing (I went for a walk through the area a few years ago, curious about architecture). People have tried to make that area a closed neighborhood for the wealthy and elite back in the day. This -- three incidents either on campus or within fifteen minutes walking distance of campus, should not be happening.

Yet here we are.

Which brought me to the point on Thursday where I realized I might have to stay a lot later than my usual time on campus. I actually had to plan out possible ways to ensure my own safety and had decided that, if I had to stay late for an hour or more, the bus stop was empty, and the street light there broke again (it does that) I was going to text my way through my contact list until I find someone to keep in touch with until the bus arrives.

Consequently I have suddenly become a lot better at remembering to recharge my phone.

On that note, I just want to mention that this week's Thursday was awful. It was awful not in the sense that something horrible and/or tragic happened but the grinding dreariness of hundreds of little things not going my way all within a twenty-four hour time span. The highlights of those hours include but are not limited to: nose-piece on glasses falling off, sudden and inexplicable cramping in my calf muscle, bad enough that I couldn't walk, missing the bus, and somehow switching the electrodes on one of my protein gels -- which is a mistake I have never made in my entire life-- so that I needed to re-do the whole thing. By the time the evening came around I was at the "I hate everybody and everything" stage and ready to declare war on nameless deities and abstract concepts alike, so it was probably a good thing that the day ended.

Friday was much better. I have a new-found appreciation of Fridays, even above and beyond the usual joys of the arrival of the weekend.

And now, I have tea.

Hello, hello

It's been awhile since I've updated my blog -- my current schedule being what it is it just hasn't been possible to do daily posts like I've done, once upon a time. I could make time, it's true -- I can always make time -- but as is the case with everything else, it comes down to priority lists and cost-benefit analyses and at the end of the day, nothing gets written (that's appropriate for posting here, anyway).

That being said though, I do think that it's still good practice for me to write regularly. Tumblr is well and good because it's more informal and there is VERY little low pressure to generate unique content when all I can do is hit "reblog", but it'll be good for me to write something more structured that is NOT related to what I have to do at work, because I have a very (justified) fear that I may forget how to write something that's not a science report.

Still, I'm a bit short on time still, and given that this IS my blog, I've made the executive decision that I'll write one post a week, regardless of the length, and if I'm really short on time I'll just ...not revise / edit it. Editing takes about 2-3x as long for me than writing these stream-of-thought posts, you see. You have been warned: you will get to see my informal writing in all of its grammatically questionable glory and if that's not your thing...well I assume since you are here, you know how to operate a browser.

No seriously, I feel that my academic writing is slowly destroying my ability to write anything else. One of my acquaintances had said that writing an article and writing a short story shouldn't be all that different (she...doesn't write stories) since they're both narratives that need clear writing with beginning and end and  you are essentially telling a story in both cases. Having thought about it, I concluded that yes, there are similarities, but for me, who has written both, the differences are more obvious than the similarities. It's like the different between Monet and Mondrian -- they are both painters and paintings are very similar as an medium of art in that you do need technical skills to apply pigment to a surface in order to convey certain kinds of thought and emotion in the viewer. However, if you will google image Claude Monet and Piet Mondrian, I think you will agree with me that the style is VERY different, the technique to paint each other is most likely different, and the general feelings of looking at a Monet, regarding which one, is very different from what you get from a Mondrian.

Scientific writing is, for me, the Mondrian; fiction writing is the Monet.

Things I have discovered upon returning from Peru:

1) The CO2 regulator was not replaced. The incubators are down. All of them. For the cells. 90% of my remaining work involves cells. (The regulator finally got replaced yesterday evening but one of the two incubators are still down and the working one still needs to be calibrated.)

2) There was some issue with temperature regulator in the vivarium last week. May be reason why I lost 2 mice. Does not excuse mistake make by staff where they accidentally switched the cage label so that a cage with four female mice got labeled as a breeder pair. The sex ID mistake I can understand but- did they not realize that the cage contained 4 mice instead of 2?

3) The fan for the camera for the microscope is officially out. As in the camera got shipped off for repair and won't be back for three weeks. There goes the schedule for the cell immunofluorescence experiments.

4) Apparently on Monday there was an issue where they tried to fix the emergency power supply and ended up blowing out the fuses to a bunch of -80C freezers (i.e. where all the bio labs keep their most expensive and delicate samples). Ours is okay. For now. The place is crawling over with electricians though.

5) I still don't know what is wrong with the ventilation in our building. Last week the air pressure got inverted. Starting yesterday it's operating at a dull roar so that I can barely hear my timer going off.

The consequences of which meant that at one point today I sat down on the floor in the mouse room and tried to come up with a new schedule for my experiments because as much effort as I am exerting, trying to graduate, it really does feel like fate is conspiring against me. So much for that nice little bubble of joy that I carried back with me from my vacation.

Friend of mine's gotten the okay from her committee to graduate in December! I'm torn between being deeply jealous (she'll be done!) and nonplussed (she doesn't have a job lined up and announced she's not going to finish her current set of experiments and apparently her committee was okay with it??) and sad (she'll leaving, both the school and from science -- she's going into teaching / writing). Also she will be having a baby soon which seems to me like a whole 'nother sort of stress. But on the other hand I'm also kind of happy for her because she was handling the near-graduation stress even worse than I am (save for July; July was the abyss from which I hope to never return) and was joking about quitting so she'll be done and free at last, free at last -- and I think she'll be happier once she's done.

So, complicated feelings tonight.

Also, I'm presenting in lab meeting tomorrow evening and flying out for Peru the day after all. Just FYI.

Trying to get my stuff approved by my committee as well as my PI and, eventually, peer reviewers. This can only end in tears.

Also, for reasons unknown, my neighbor's left his socks on the communal cacti.

Taxonomy is not for the common English language. For instance, Osteichthyes I'm pretty sure I can just type in as "fish", or possibly "bony fish" if I'm feeling particular -- but what on earth do I call lamprey? "Invertebrate chordate"? That's not exactly common speech....

Universal standard for application of common names fail UTTERLY once you reach the point that the things you're trying to name is no longer something people commonly encounter.

(Though I suspect that most people outside of my niche - most NORMAL people - just consider lamprey to be fish.)

(Yes I'm still working on this bit.)

(Did you know people use the term "worm" for earth worm, round worm, and polychaete worm when there's like more evolutionary divergence across those three categories than between us and like, sea urchins?)

I just spent 30 minutes confusing myself with the past tense of the verb, "to spread". Why English WHY?

I have discovered madeleine cookies and they go well with earl grey, except we're in the middle of a "heat wave" (meaning 80s F where I am) so I'm mostly sticking with making a large pot of caffeine free ice tea and drinking it throughout the day, because I live on the top floor and there is no air conditioning and also - computers get hot when you use them for a long time.

Also discovered? Lentil snaps / Snapea crisps. They are as bad as Pockys in how addictive they are.

In the meantime I have to go and finish updating the accession IDs for my supplemental table #2. There are 97 species I have to go through across 4 different databases and a lot of the information got updated / merged so it is a tad painful to wade through. I am in the 70s, however. I WILL PREVAIL.

There are only so many scientifically acceptable ways to say "statistically significant" and "not statistically significant". Also: I think my committee disagrees with my PI on what the main focus of my paper should be on. WHY.

Has any one of my acquaintances ever found what they learned in high school geometry useful?

Trying to write for a Nature publication from scratch is painful. (And you know what? I don't think my manuscript will even make it because it's not a hot topic or, as some of my co-workers like to say "it's not sexy enough for Nature".) (I know right?)

As someone who likes to finish 24hrs before the actual deadline, the feeling of being perpetually late and in need of catching up is deeply unsettling. And exhausting.

In other news my brain decided to pipe "Oh My Darling Clementine" at me for over an hour this afternoon, for no reason I can discern. It was especially annoying since I don't actually know the lyrics but, since Annie introduced it to me during my undergrad years, I was well aware that it involves some lady dying and her lover pairing up with her sister. Which lead to a round of "why brain, WHY?" It's admittedly no worse than all those sailor songs about drowning but even so, WHY BRAIN?

And update to clarify:
I am more or less fine. Meaning that, after comparing notes with my classmates, we all realized that we are all more or less in the same boat of stressed and overworked. Which no doubt contributed to some of my dithering but the exact question is HOW MUCH.

But you know me, I'll keep soldiering on and keep you all updated on my progress whoo.

Warning: long unhappy post, but not that much existential ennui

Today I spent some time huddled in the restroom while waiting for the last 200mg of motrin to kick in. It's gotten worse recently. 600mg and I was still in enough pain that I could not effectively function in lab -- a lingering, unnecessary reminder that I've been going through one of the rougher patches in life. That and the fact that it was actually the wrong day for Shark Week, which would make the upcoming Peru trip -- yes the one that's I'd mentioned last year, with the tickets for everything ordered and paid for months ago-- very interesting. (I was considering canceling, last month, but my mother persuaded me not to. Since February this year she's taken a more "as few regrets as possible" approach to life, which she's trying to extend to me, whenever possible. With dubious results.) It's perhaps telling that I have had enough experiences to know what happened and how long it'll take my body to recover. Human bodies are complicated and full of regulatory mechanisms, most of which, thankfully, I do NOT have to know off of the top of my head. (Read: committee meetings. Ugh.)

Dear blogger why won't you let me publish this this is my THIRD TRY

A temporary end to the "BRB off dying" post a while back (yeah a while back, I am aware) as I have just had my committee meeting this afternoon and am going to take a few weekends off before I go insane. In the meantime I would like to announce that:

1) This is the first committee meeting that did NOT end with directions for me to go and edit my slides. (Though of course my PI told me how to improve my slides anyway -- there's no "go edit these or I will not sign your eval" from the other PIs, praised be.)

2) I am scheduled for another meeting at the end of November to  a) serve as progress check and b) set a defense date. DEFENSE DATE.

3) I got more experiments suggested to me, even though I'm supposed to be WRITING NOW and it's supposed to take me around 6 months to put together a manuscript, so I'm not entirely sure how this is going to fall out so OH GOD. (Does this mean it's a pre-defense meeting? I'm not entirely clear. The PI claims that the pre-defense meeting is not an official thing but just a thing to make sure that the student is ready to defense so I guess????)

4) I have apparently started the process of completing my doctorate. Yet somehow I don't feel any smarter than when I started this journey. If anything I feel stupider. I feel like I should write very indignant and cuttingly worded letters to somebody.

5) I want tea and a chocolate cupcake, rather badly.

Have accidentally swept up a harvest spider in the kitchen. Have just accidentally apologized to the spider as it scurried away.

I'm exhausted and there is, fascinatingly enough, aggressively upbeat pop song coming up THROUGH MY KITCHEN FLOOR, from, I believe, the new neighbor that moved in recently. Am rapidly approaching the state of "Why is it still June I HATE EVERYTHING" and reveling in the sheer irrationality of my aimless hatred. Also, Ivy's battery died (as in laptop thinks it's not present and will not charge or withdraw charge from it) and I haven't the faintest idea WHY.

Hey guys,

Still not dead. Recent activities have been pretty hard on my wrist but there's no way to protect it without severely limiting my range of motion, so I've mostly resorted to wrapping it up when I get home, which means that doing stuff outside of work takes a lot longer than usual. Typing is okay except I can't really reach for backspace easily and kept hitting "=" instead and drawing is...interesting but at least I know how to ctr-z like a pro. It's more of an extra support for my wrist at this point than anything else and if my experiment goes well this week hopefully that's all it'll be needed for.

Honestly, the things I do for science.

Found an extra old thing of tea and tried to brew it and found that it's sufficiently aged to go all crumbly and escape from the tea strainer. Ewww. I need an extra fine strainer or possibly cheesecloth for the size of particles. This is what I get for being cheap.

Cleaning the kitchen while making lunch. Making a note of the fact that my parents and I have progressed in our relationship to the point that when they bring food that I don't eat I'm comfortable telling them I probably won't eat it and they'll insist that I just keep it "for now" and if it's still there when they next come they'll pick it up but won't insist that I try it, and because I always feel bad that they brought it all this way I'll keep it, so now I always have this bag of aging snacks sitting in the bottom shelf of the fridge waiting for pick up. It's "love, as demonstrated by food", episode "how to compromise". It's also a mark of where we are that the sight of a bag of food I won't touch makes me feel all fond inside. A little annoyed still, because that's what family inspires in me, but fond.

Hi blog,

I am indeed still alive. Just write a quick note (until I have more time later to write more short posts -- they are all most likely to be short due to time constraints and if I try to make them into one post it'll sound like I have the attention span of a gnat -- which, to be sure, is an accurate representation of how I feel but I swear my long term memory is still functioning) (REALLY) (though I do get more easily distracted these days) (case in point) (what was I saying?) (oh right) to mention that someone passed on a ziplock bag of bread starter to me, which she's named "the Aikido Friendship Bread" (since it's going around the dojo) and I find it helplessly adorable. It's basically Amish friendship bread-- i.e. chain letters, but with baking. I'm on day 2, with the bag mashing, and kind of wish I have more friends around who bakes to pass this on, as I don't think this will mail well.

My presence online will most likely decrease for the reminder of the month because I am a fifth year graduate student being poked with far too many deadlines and one of my cell lines developed an issue with contamination and I am presenting in another symposium in two weeks.

Just spec'ed my sample and it reads 0.1987.

IT KNOWS ME.

This weekend's food adventures involve:

1) Rhubarb. If you've ever eaten wood sorrel stalk, raw, rhubarb is like a giant, pink-skinned sorrel stalk. If you have never eaten wood sorrel raw rhubarb is tart like a citrus but has a consistency that's like a...less stringy form of celery. The raw form weirds me out. The rhubarb crumble (via Anna's instructions) is v. good, however. (Though I'm not entirely sure how a thing like a crumble is supposed to be served. I mean the name is "crumble" and it does fall to pieces when I try to get it out of the pan so do you just ...dump a glob of it on a plate or something? Oh well, still tastes the same, intact or not.)

2) Not brave enough to try it, but have discovered that bread pudding is in fact, not a pudding. Or at least not the sweet semi-solid dessert product that I tend to think of as pudding. Bread pudding is like very confused bread with STUFF in it. I'm inclined to think that Hetalia is right and the UK pudding the weird bread-like thing and the dessert pudding is like a French-metamorphosed thing.

3) Canadian bacon is, in fact, not bacon. It appears to ham. Or something very like ham. V. good in grilled-cheese sandwich either way.

While grocery shopping a very old man with a very nice guide dog attempted to make off with my cart filled with my unpaid groceries. Also my lab pen (water and ethanol-proof) spontaneously started ejecting ink. I couldn't figure out where the source of inner pressure was coming from, but there you have it.

And then there are mornings where I fail at pancakes.

And then there are mornings where I fail at pancakes.

Fist-sized chunks of the balcony outside spontaneously disintegrated onto the ground floor. It was fixed within the week. Nevertheless I find this to be somewhat alarming. It was left me feeling a tad incredulous because my rent's raised starting next month.

Perhaps my new goal ought to be to graduate and move out before the building I live in collapses around my ears. (Ugh so close, so CLOSE -- I need to get a publication quality image for an experiment but the antibody gives me background so I'm tweaking one variable at a time -- and I have two additional experiments to triple check my findings and another talk in 28 days OH GOD.)

Went hiking yesterday at Cuyamaca Peak (5000-6000ft elev.) yesterday because I have never done hiking at an elevation (WELL, I've done leisurely walks on relatively flat grounds at elevation that I don't really count as hiking) and I figured I should probably figure out how I'd react to elevation BEFORE I reached Peru, i.e. Machu Picchu (~8000ft) and Cuzco (something like 11k ft?). It was 70-75F where I live at around sea level but cold enough at the summit that there was snow in the tree shade and I was extremely glad of my sweater (yes I brought a sweater). I have learned that:

1) I'm a-okay at 6K elevation doing a medium - moderately strenuous trail.
2) My water consumption did not noticeably increase, which sort of freaked out the people I was with who were not used to how little water I normally drank.
3) Cheeses get softer at high elevations. Weird but true. Soft cheeses will get weird and gooey at 6K in sandwiches.
4) UV radiation is indeed a lot more severe at high elevations -- I know this because though I remembered to put on sunscreen before I left I (possibly because I'm right handed) missed a spot on the back of my neck, just behind my left ear, and now I have this 2cm spot that's sunburned while the rest of me is fine. So much for my reputation of being thorough.

It's near the end of wild flower season but there was still a bunch of the little blue flowers that I liked everywhere along with the occasional bunches of lupine and poppies so it's quite nice. The snow was weird though. Really weird.

They started stocking Tazo chai again! Now in a new grey-on-grey packaging. To be fair Tazo actually does a pretty good job with the packaging designs compared to some of the other brands. (Numi your tea's excellent but some of your design choices are suspect.)

Also got letter notice that my rent's being raised UGH stupid protein why won't you behave properly so I can finish up my project and graduate. Maybe to some place that's less expensive to live. Or at least to a position that has better pay.

Have decided to try out the food coloring color palette I found a long time ago and made myself green pancakes -- mint chip green to be exact. Experiment v. successful.

Moving on to plan B (sports stores) as my hip to waist ratio is unsuited for boy pants. My options are either to go with something that's really uncomfortably tight or to wear a belt and have an uncomfortable amount of material bunched at my waist.

Also cream in soup is weird. Maybe it's better if I can't taste it.

So this is a pretty awesome recipe and you should take my rec seriously because it's a recipe for cheesy bread and I don't even like cheese.

Also the sketchiness was indeed a power thing and I've had no trouble since the reset. 

Ugh I think the internet sketchiness from yesterday may have been a minor power flux / power cut in the area or something and messed up router.  Did ipconfig /flushdns and router reset and everything seems fine...FOR NOW.

Am feeling a bit upset. Ladies and gentlemen, how many people,  in your esteemed opinion,  must I have sex with before I can make a believable claim to be an asexual? Because apparently I should not claim that label if I have never has sex, because how else will I find out if I like it or not? (Nevermind that I have never met anyone I liked enough to want to have sex with,because I simply have not met THE ONE- the fact that I have had multiple crushes and experienced zero physical attraction is iirrelevant. ) I also can't claim the label if I had sex with only one or two people because it could be those people are just bad at sex! Don't underestimate technique and experience! (I kid you not someone said this to me. Also if I met THE ONE it will be different! And so I should not be so *hasty* in labeling myself as an ace!

So how many then? How many people? Or perhaps how many years must I live without experiencing their definition of sexual attraction to qualify?

Forgive me my facetiousness but really, how many?  I am curious.

Have I mentioned that French macaroons are weird? They're like a weird hybrid between candy and cookie. Also have been introduced and taken moral offense to the term "fugly" and a weekly farmer's market apparently opened in the high school parking lot three blocks over.

I have a hypothesis that the balcony in front of my door is where all the stray bees in these couple of blocks come to die.

The combination of residual adrenaline and watching ELEMENTARY apparently meant that I get to dream about nearly being shot by Sherlock Holmes, which jolted me awake enough that I spent an indeterminable time awake, in the dark, plotting my experiments for the next two weeks until my brain gave up and I went back to sleep and dreamed about being shuffled off to retake SAT II and how the math portion is now a subject test of STATISTICS which, even dreaming, I knew made no sense and was trying to reason with my own dream logic.

You know what I've never dreamed about? Ducks. Why can't I dream about ducks? I'm going to make a token effort from here on out to insert ducks into my dreams and will post when that is successful.

Also for the people who, in the past few months, have received random blank txts from me the current working hypothesis is that it's a result of a key lock (current phone not a flip phone / does not have retractable keyboard /does not have touch screen) only engaging when I go back to desktop and after certain number of seconds (so if I stick it in my bag before the keylock comes on...you get the idea) and I have been unable to find a way to change this setting so far. It is a work in progress. Like my life.

I've improved over the years but 150 people is still a LOT OF PEOPLE and now the symposium is over and I'm in front of my computer and I can't focus because of adrenaline, it is making me slightly deranged HELP.

I live in the relatively quiet sector of my neighborhood but occasionally there these sudden events that happen that floods the place of people and (with the exception of 4th of July and Labor Day, whose firework fans I am now well prepared for) it always catches me by surprise. Like that time when I stepped out on what's usually supposed to be a quiet Sunday morning and the street I was on was swarmed by a stampede of people in colored jerseys, because it was mapped as part of the route for a half marathon / marathon that ends at the bay 20mins over. I'm not sure what's happening today, but I gathered there's some new thing going on for St. Patrick's this year, and the street two blocks over is filled with cars and haphazard driving and there is suddenly no parking.

Ugh just finished my taxes. Hope I didn't screw anything up. Filing these things as a grad student never gets any better, but at least most things are online these days so I basically end up with one browser window with a lot of times so I can squint at the numbers and figure out the difference between fee remissions and scholarships.

Things We Established Today:

1) I have very "round" hair
2) birds have lymphoid tissues and bone marrow
3) people develop allergies to urushiol, which is present in both mango and poison oak (how did I miss that family connection I have no idea), and is enriched in the skin and the area near the pith near the mangoes and so people who want to avoid becoming allergic to mangoes should avoid the slice-and-eat method and peel the entire thing ...and possibly handle it with gloves while peeling. (But then not everyone reacts to allergens the same way and I think Linda'd be fine...?)
4) mathematicians are aliens
5) the undergrads apparently thing I'm qualified to give advice on public speaking. This is in fact the weirdest thing to me, in this entire list.

Baffled by undergrads.

In which we verify that yes, she is still very much Weird

Went to Ashley's baby shower, which I liked much more than I expected, considering that the only person I went in knowing was ...Ashley. People were astounded when they found out how long we've been friends and actually said things to me along the lines of "I could never keep a friend that long", which I thought was sad. Upon reflection, it could be that everyone has different definitions of friends. Certainly I've in instances when I heard someone refer to me as their friend to their other friends when I consider us to be more like friendly acquaintances, and I know some people like to have large numbers of friends so that they have this...cloud of people they know, wherever they go, and certainly that's fine too! It's just that for me, partially because I'm an introvert, I'm more comfortable with a small group of friends and I suspect that my definition of friend is more like "close friend". Or at least I measure whether or not someone is my friend by how far I'm willing to go for someone, to trust someone, allowing them the liberties I would never consider for others? For me, at least "friend" is a label that has a LOT of emotional investment! I try to be polite and friendly to all and make the effort of being acquaintances with more people than I'm strictly comfortable with, but I don't actually make the commitment to making a friend unless I start to think that's someone I want around for the rest of my life in some way. Even if I don't always succeed. Even if we only get the chance to talk once a year or something I go in wanting to keep the person for as long as I can and from that perspective, the number of people my age who are ...agog at friendships that can last for longer than five years makes me sad. Yes it's fine to have a group of ..."casual friends" -- I guess that's what you'd call them? I don't even know -- but I keep thinking, during each iteration of "yes we really have know each other for that long", that's there's this really, really wonderful thing that they're missing out.

Sadly this isn't like...some new type of tea I can just get them to try. And of course for the ones who are just making the remark for the sake of something to say, I don't care as much, but for those who said it quietly, enviously, it's a little heartbreaking. Because it's possible. It's possible to have people in your lives, unrelated to you, that you can rely on. And certainly they sound like this is something that they wanted and of course I don't know any of them or their stories so it's all just...there's this fine tinge of melancholy in the laughter bubbling through the afternoon.

It's one thing about me that I can understand people being envious about, because I have been on the other end as well. Though being the subject of envy has always been equal parts flattering and unnerving.

Also unnerving are people who only knew you for three hours and expect you to hug them when leaving. I am not comfortable with casual physical affection at all by which I mean being hugged by people whose name that I don't even know makes me want to crawl out of my skin. (Also one of the lady was wearing really strong perfume so now my coat smells like it and I kind of feel like I need to get it dry cleaned but then I feel like it's insulting to the unknown lady who I will probably never see again -- yes I am aware of how much logic there ISN'T -- that I'm acting like I find her so repellent that I need to remove all traces of physical contact with her but it's really making me uncomfortable and weirdly jittery but it's not worse than jittery so I don't know. I haven't decided. Maybe if I just hung my coat out in the sun all day tomorrow that'd do the trick?)

Mother just sent me a bunch of photos to prove that there are plants that she hasn't killed yet.

Last night I had a dream where I met a girl that I've never seen before, developed a crush, asked her out, and was irrevocably rejected. In case anyone's wondering: I find being rejected in a dream to be actually more depressing than being rejected in real life. Also I crashed my tablet while editing the script for CODA. The tablet recovered fine but I lost a bit of my latest edits. All of the script and notes were on Evernote, which got HACKED this weekend and so ALL the users got a password reset, which I didn't find out about until I checked my email much later -- I just kept getting notices telling me that the notes failed to sync and that my password couldn't be authenticated. All of THIS, of course, was the perfect wrap up for a rather FAIL-filled end of my week, during which I failed to replicate the really cool result I got two weeks ago, failed another separate experiment, and then had to drive to campus at nearly 11pm because that's when I remembered that I forgot to turn off one of the power supplies and I didn't want to risk a blown fuse when the buffer inevitably ran out.

I can't think of a more eloquent way to express my current state of being other than "ugh". I've had three cups of tea and did a bit of house cleaning and I'm going to go and draw a ton now, and I WILL PREVAIL because tomorrow is a new day and all that and I'm too stubborn to give up.

Had a conversation with professor on what is and isn't sexy enough for the top tier journals. On one hand I can kind of understand what point he's trying to make make. On the other hand, "sexy"? Really?

So today while sorting through the keys and USB sticks in my pockets I wondered why I don't own any cargo pants. I had a pair in high school. I brought it in Beijing, I think. It was awesome. After some thought, I realized the handful of times (pretty sure I can count the times on one hand) I've gone to hunt for pants I never actually saw anything resembling what I think cargo pants should look like. Just to make sure I had the right terms, I looked up types of pants on Google, and Google, in its infinite wisdom, gave me this article, which kind of explains it.

Cargo pants are, in conclusion, for boys.

Well this is discouraging, I thought, and briefly googled "cargo pants for women" because these must exist, right? And lo and behold -- I have hits. In terms of images they look about right and I thought, okay, so maybe I'm just terrible at cloth shopping and just now, after I arrived home, I did the same search and looked at the sites from Macy's, GAP, and Old Navy since these stores, especially GAP are the places where my clothing comes from if they didn't come from Beijing or Costco. I got this, this, and this. They look nothing like the stuff from Google Image Search.

Now this may be just because I'm being picky, but for me the point of cargo pants is to have loose fitting pants with a ton of pockets so I can sort and carry various things with me since women's clothing have too few pockets as it is in jackets and thing and jean pockets are just uncomfortable if I had to carry two sets of keys, a security access card, as well as a pen and a USB stick (my hands are busy carrying other stuff -- I may or may not have lab gloves on as well). I don't consider anything that has fewer than six pockets to be cargo pants. So.

Gah.

Maybe Sears has them or something, because none of the image search results are from physical stores near me. 

I lack the words to adequately expressed how utterly freaked out I was by the fact that the vivarium lobby smelled of peaches. For the 4 years I've been through there it more or less smelled consistently of animals or cleaning products or, more excitingly, of animals AND cleaning products. This sudden bed-and-body-works burst of - of -PEACHY-NESS was just UNNATURAL.

Experienced the ridiculous situation where I'm so sore that when I try to move too fast that group of muscle actually seized up...and I ended up closing the car door on my leg by accident. I wonder how people in my dojo end up eventually achieved poise and grace. Mostly I just end up getting teased a lot by my classmate (also why are there so many Mikes in my life it's actually alarming at this point) when he spends five minutes trying to teach me how to punch someone in the kidney and I more or less fail at the entire experiment. (Though seriously if I were required to actually defend myself I would not be using my FISTS because I would most likely hurt myself more than my opponent.) (Though maybe punching things is therapeutic? My classmate certainly seemed unduly fond of it.) (Or maybe he just thinks watching me flail around is funny, which is more than likely.)

In the meantime I have jasmine tea and butter cookies. I have also discovered this fascinating thing called the water barrel brush. When I finish CODA I plan to myself a set of 3 as a reward.

Made pancakes to prove that 1) yes, I still know how to make them from scratch and b) no, I still haven't figured out how to make a batch without burning the first one.

March is apparently the month for baby showers this year. Let me just say that it's so much more fun if you're shopping for someone who falls under the "nerd" category.

PI mock-chased a post-doc down the lab bay with a freezer today. Admittedly it was a small lab freezer that he was shoving in after defrosting, but STILL. Then overheard him instructing the undergrads not to pipet violently. HOW do you pipet violently? I wondered, then decided that I didn't really want to know.

Random man with a white hair that's all shaved off except for a rectangle in the center of his head, wrapped in a brightly colored plaid blanket, was preaching about repenting and how God is the "Revealer of Secrets" (you can just hear the capitalization) on the bus today. The preaching isn't new -- we've had quite a few of those over the years on this particular route, but the hair & blanket combination is. I just can't take him seriously when he's wrapped up in a plaid blanket like the world's preachiest over-sized burrito, you know?

The side seam gave away on one of the long-sleeved tees I bought back in January. It's a final sale item from Cotton On so there's a strict no-return policy. To be fair the material does appear thinner than the shirt I got from the GAP sale across the mall. Nevertheless, note to self: do not buy future shirts from Cotton On. My GAP shirt is just fine. (Though the winner for sturdiness in my closet collection of long-sleeved tees appears to be Old Navy -- I had THAT particular shirt since high school and it has survived quite a lot.)

Unrelated: I have tried bread pudding. To me it's more or less like a failed attempt at cinnamon roll, but without the frosting so I can't say that I see the appeal. Have discovered a decent, if tiny, bistro this weekend that does very good homemade fettuccine with braised duck though!

Apparently some people eat dumplings with sweet and sour sauce? This is like...being told someone eats nachos with teriyaki sauce . My mind. It is boggled.

Today I have learned that in the case of lockout as enforced by rabid racoons or actual coyotes I can dial 411 for animal control. The call isn't free but they have the set up to deal with wildlife without injuring themselves or wildlife.

There was  GIANT raccoon in front of my apartment. At first I thought it was an over-grown cat or a small dog and then realized the shape wasn't right and then the neighbor SHONE A FLASHLIGHT ON IT and did you know their eyes have the ability to reflect light in REALLY CREEPY way? Like, "two glowing orbs of reflective evil in a dark, masked face, staring into my soul" level creepy. I do not know how I feel about this sudden encounter with wildlife of the unsettling variety, but at least it was not a coyote (we have those around here too, though usually they don't brave the more populated areas like raccoons apparently do).

PI brought in Thin Mints. They are unfortunately addictive.

Right, so it's clearly worth the extra dollar (or two) and get the spiced chai from Tazo because IT IS SO MUCH BETTER than the one from Stash.

I would like to take a moment today to express my gratitude for the existence of caffeine free tea. That is all.

Someone didn't close our lab freezer properly this weekend and a lot of our samples got partially thawed as a result. Am running test digests to see how many of our key enzymes were lost.

Damn it.

While walking today I saw an advertisement for carpet cleaning that declares "30$ per area!"

It's definitely one of the less informative ads out there. (Imagine of this sort of thing happened at grocery stores -- apples 1.99$ per weight!)

After a brief calculation I'm forced to conclude that even without factoring the time cost, it's cheaper for me to buy cookies than to make my own. Therefore unless I've a hankering for the types of baked goods (such as the strawberry-white-chocolate-oat-meal cookies I've mentioned before) that are usually not in store (or corn bread -- corn bread, biscuits, and banana bread are pretty cheap to make) I should just buy the darn things.

I'm having one of those Fail Days where I put my watch in a pocket and then later couldn't remember where I put my watch. Ugh at least the day's almost done.

My Mexican pineapple comes with a tag printed with the coloring and pattern of the Italian flag.

I am confused.

That's hours I could've been sleeping

I managed to keep myself up half the night lying in the dark by having an argument with myself about whether or not "apathy" counts as a type of feeling, only to conclude that "feeling" is an inadequate term. More specifically, I concluded that "apathy" should be grouped with the other things such as "happy" and "sad" as "states of emotional being".

...and then I did manage to fall asleep and dreamed that someone gave me a basilisk tooth as a present. Not HP basilisk but basilisk as of mythology of yore. Though for some reason the teeth had an oddly metallic sheen.

This is what I get for researching story lore before bedtime.

Dec-Jan., up to this point, in between the traveling and the stolen stuff and getting replacements and one weekend of sickness, I was lagging behind in my martial arts classes, which meant that I haven't been training regularly, which meant that right now I'm back to square "wow I am sore in really weird places".

At least I didn't randomly sprain a toe this time. Also this has all been a very good education in anatomy.

Have discovered really fantastic raspberry strudel (an entire box for under 3$!) and Scott's lent me 6 CDs of Dr. Demento's novelty record collection so I'm all set for a drawing session once I finish excavating my room the the detritus that builds up over the course of the week. Grad school's also been terrible for my general household-y tidiness, apparently.

Pondering whether or not I need to build up my stamina to hike the Inca Trail, given that I don't do any aerobic exercise regularly and it'll be at high elevation. (Probably.) Pondering that if yes, when the heck am I going to find the time to do this. (Hmm.)

Someday I will remember not to read while cooking and stop burning my dinner. (It's only a little burnt this time, in my defense, because I did finally manage to exercise an ounce of self control and pull myself out of text.) (Wait wait does this mean there's hope where one day I'll figure out how to cook AND read at the same time?)

Have you ever blown your nose and be staggered by the sheer VOLUME of snot that can be stored in your nasal cavity? I mean in terms of cubic centimeters of liquid it's pretty impressive how all of THAT can fit up there. Is the nasal cavity like the TARDIS? Bigger on the inside? I mean I've actually done cryosection through nasal cavity before and it's not like the entire thing is lined with mucosa and snot is still mostly water based, which means should also be less dense as a solid than a liquid and I have no idea where I'm going with this....

...ugh still got chores to run.

Saw a place called "The Promiscuous Fork" along the bus route today. Am not 100% sure it's a restaurant but am terrified to contemplate what it could be, if it were not a restaurant.

One day I will figure out how to eat sprinkle-covered cupcakes without shedding sprinkles everywhere. In the meantime: labmate brought cupcakes! My replacement credit card came in. The bookstore was having a sale on art supplies so I broke into a new sketchbook (sadly the Strathmore ones are sold out but I guess I get to try a different brand? It's flat-bond, at least, I like none-wire bindings) and the weather's warm again!

I like this week much better than the last. I feel that I can write a thank-you note to someone about it.

In fact the only thing that's missing is my building access card but eh. I've high hopes of persuading someone to take out my culture plates for me on Sat. so maybe I won't even have to come into lab this weekend and would THAT be a nice way to end the week?

Have just realized that thanks to the theft I no longer have a mp3 player.

Am still more upset about the sketchbook.

I haven't been this cold in the morning since Davis. South Cal, I am disappointed in you.

Liver with freezer burn looks equal parts fascinating and disgusting.